Chapters In My Life - Capitoli Nella Mia Vita

Winter break

2010-01-12T11:02:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been ages since I updated my blog. Guess it's been what, 6 months or more? LOL.

Anyways everybody, HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010! May God bless u all abundantly. :)

So, nothing's really new in my life. I'm still on winter break and won't be starting school til January 19th. I spent most of my holiday staying at home, doing nothing other than watching tv or movie, reading online comics, and eat, yes, EAT. Gawd, I guess I already gained some pounds and I can easily tell from my chubby cheek (oh please gimme back my slim body in the past). My boyfriend came on Christmas Eve and guess what, it was snowing! That made it a white Christmas Eve, wasn't it romantic? But instead of going out and have a candlelight dinner or whatever u'll do for a romantic dinner, we stayed at home, ate some foods that I bought from a boba place near my apartment called Bethany. Yeah, and without candles, how romantic can it be? (sarcastically said).

So the on Christmas day I went to church with my boyfriend and my friend's aunt and her husband. After that me and my boyfriend went to their house and had a small party, then I went to another church which is an Indonesian Church and had another Christmas feast there. OMG, that day was exhausting, trust me when I got home all I did was take a shower then go straight to the bed. LOL.

Time went on and it was time for New Year's Eve. Me and my boyfriend didn't go anywhere, instead we cooked some Indonesian food and had a little dinner at our house with candlelight (this time we did, yes, we had a candlelight dinner). It was much better than going out somewhere that we don't know and end up paying lots of money for taxi, hahaha. Then we watched movies ($1 DVD is a good choice for spending time with ur lovers, trust me it works) and went to sleep.

So now I had nothing to do, lazying at home and sometimes 1 or 2 of my friends will come and take me to movies or just grocery shopping. Yeah, life has never been good, LOL. I'll post some more stories when I have one, ok? Stay tune guys and have a good early year! =)))

Reflection of a father

2009-11-22T21:05:00.000-08:00

Biasanya, bagi seorang anak perempuan yang sudah dewasa, yang sedang bekerja diperantauan, yang ikut suaminya merantau di luar kota atau luar negeri, yang sedang bersekolah atau kuliah jauh dari kedua orang tuanya.....
Akan sering merasa kangen sekali dengan Mamanya.

Lalu bagaimana dengan Papa?

Mungkin karena Mama lebih sering menelepon untuk menanyakan keadaanmu setiap hari,
tapi tahukah kamu, jika ternyata Papa-lah yang mengingatkan Mama untuk menelponmu?

Mungkin dulu sewaktu kamu kecil, Mama-lah yang lebih sering mengajakmu bercerita atau berdongeng,
tapi tahukah kamu, bahwa sepulang Papa bekerja dan dengan wajah lelah Papa selalu menanyakan pada Mama tentang kabarmu dan apa yang kau lakukan seharian?

Pada saat dirimu masih seorang anak perempuan kecil......
Papa biasanya mengajari putri kecilnya naik sepeda.
Dan setelah Papa mengganggapmu bisa, Papa akan melepaskan roda bantu di sepedamu...
Kemudian Mama bilang : "Jangan dulu Papa, jangan dilepas dulu roda bantunya" ,
Mama takut putri manisnya terjatuh lalu terluka....
Tapi sadarkah kamu?
Bahwa Papa dengan yakin akan membiarkanmu, menatapmu, dan menjagamu mengayuh sepeda dengan seksama karena dia tahu putri kecilnya PASTI BISA.

Pada saat kamu menangis merengek meminta boneka atau mainan yang baru, Mama menatapmu iba.
Tetapi Papa akan mengatakan dengan tegas : "Boleh, kita beli nanti, tapi tidak sekarang"
Tahukah kamu, Papa melakukan itu karena Papa tidak ingin kamu menjadi anak yang manja dengan semua tuntutan yang selalu dapat dipenuhi?

Saat kamu sakit pilek, Papa yang terlalu khawatir sampai kadang sedikit membentak dengan berkata :
"Sudah di bilang! kamu jangan minum air dingin!".
Berbeda dengan Mama yang memperhatikan dan menasihatimu dengan lembut.
Ketahuilah, saat itu Papa benar-benar mengkhawatirkan keadaanmu.

Ketika kamu sudah beranjak remaja....
Kamu mulai menuntut pada Papa untuk dapat izin keluar malam, dan Papa bersikap tegas dan mengatakan: "Tidak boleh!".
Tahukah kamu, bahwa Papa melakukan itu untuk menjagamu?
Karena bagi Papa, kamu adalah sesuatu yang sangat - sangat luar biasa berharga..

Setelah itu kamu marah pada Papa, dan masuk ke kamar sambil membanting pintu...
Dan yang datang mengetok pintu dan membujukmu agar tidak marah adalah Mama....
Tahukah kamu, bahwa saat itu Papa memejamkan matanya dan menahan gejolak dalam batinnya,
Bahwa Papa sangat ingin mengikuti keinginanmu, Tapi lagi-lagi dia HARUS menjagamu?

Ketika saat seorang cowok mulai sering menelponmu, atau bahkan datang ke rumah untuk menemuimu, Papa akan memasang wajah paling cool sedunia.... :')
Papa sesekali menguping atau mengintip saat kamu sedang ngobrol berdua di ruang tamu..
Sadarkah kamu, kalau hati Papa merasa cemburu?

Saat kamu mulai lebih dipercaya, dan Papa melonggarkan sedikit peraturan untuk keluar rumah untukmu, kamu akan memaksa untuk melanggar jam malamnya.
Maka yang dilakukan Papa adalah duduk di ruang tamu, dan menunggumu pulang dengan hati yang sangat khawatir...
Dan setelah perasaan khawatir itu berlarut - larut...
Ketika melihat putri kecilnya pulang larut malam hati Papa akan mengeras dan Papa memarahimu.. .
Sadarkah kamu, bahwa ini karena hal yang di sangat ditakuti Papa akan segera datang?
"Bahwa putri kecilnya akan segera pergi meninggalkan Papa"

Setelah lulus SMA, Papa akan sedikit memaksamu untuk menjadi seorang Dokter atau Insinyur.
Ketahuilah, bahwa seluruh paksaan yang dilakukan Papa itu semata - mata hanya karena memikirkan masa depanmu nanti...
Tapi toh Papa tetap tersenyum dan mendukungmu saat pilihanmu tidak sesuai dengan keinginan Papa

Ketika kamu menjadi gadis dewasa....
Dan kamu harus pergi kuliah dikota lain...
Papa harus melepasmu di bandara.

Tahukah kamu bahwa badan Papa terasa kaku untuk memelukmu?
Papa hanya tersenyum sambil memberi nasehat ini - itu, dan menyuruhmu untuk berhati-hati. .
Padahal Papa ingin sekali menangis seperti Mama dan memelukmu erat-erat.
Yang Papa lakukan hanya menghapus sedikit air mata di sudut matanya, dan menepuk pundakmu berkata "Jaga dirimu baik-baik ya sayang".
Papa melakukan itu semua agar kamu KUAT...kuat untuk pergi dan menjadi dewasa.

Disaat kamu butuh uang untuk membiayai uang semester dan kehidupanmu, orang pertama yang mengerutkan kening adalah Papa.
Papa pasti berusaha keras mencari jalan agar anaknya bisa merasa sama dengan teman-temannya yang lain.

Ketika permintaanmu bukan lagi sekedar meminta boneka baru, dan Papa tahu ia tidak bisa memberikan yang kamu inginkan...
Kata-kata yang keluar dari mulut Papa adalah : "Tidak.... Tidak bisa!"
Padahal dalam batin Papa, Ia sangat ingin mengatakan "Iya sayang, nanti Papa belikan untukmu".
Tahukah kamu bahwa pada saat itu Papa merasa gagal membuat anaknya tersenyum?

Saatnya kamu diwisuda sebagai seorang sarjana.
Papa adalah orang pertama yang berdiri dan memberi tepuk tangan untukmu.
Papa akan tersenyum dengan bangga dan puas melihat "putri kecilnya yang tidak manja berhasil tumbuh dewasa, dan telah menjadi seseorang"

Sampai saat seorang teman Lelakimu datang ke rumah dan meminta izin pada Papa untuk mengambilmu darinya.
Papa akan sangat berhati-hati memberikan izin..
Karena Papa tahu.....
Bahwa lelaki itulah yang akan menggantikan posisinya nanti.

Dan akhirnya....
Saat Papa melihatmu duduk di Panggung Pelaminan bersama seseorang Lelaki yang di anggapnya pantas menggantikannya, Papa pun tersenyum bahagia....

Apakah kamu mengetahui, di hari yang bahagia itu Papa pergi kebelakang panggung sebentar, dan menangis?
Papa menangis karena papa sangat berbahagia, kemudian Papa berdoa....
Dalam lirih doanya kepada Tuhan, Papa berkata: "Ya Allah tugasku telah selesai dengan baik....
Putri kecilku yang lucu dan kucintai telah menjadi wanita yang cantik....
Bahagiakanlah ia bersama suaminya..."

Setelah itu Papa hanya bisa menunggu kedatanganmu bersama cucu-cucunya yang sesekali datang untuk menjenguk...
Dengan rambut yang telah dan semakin memutih....
Dan badan serta lengan yang tak lagi kuat untuk menjagamu dari bahaya....
Papa telah menyelesaikan tugasnya....

Papa, Ayah, Bapak, atau Abah kita...
Adalah sosok yang harus selalu terlihat kuat...
Bahkan ketika dia tidak kuat untuk tidak menangis...
Dia harus terlihat tegas bahkan saat dia ingin memanjakanmu. .
Dan dia adalah yang orang pertama yang selalu yakin bahwa "KAMU BISA" dalam segala hal..

I love u daddy :')

Surga di telapak kakimu

2009-09-22T21:04:00.000-07:00

Kunyanyikan semua lagu,untukmu ibu
Sebagai wujud terima kasihku kepadamu
Tanpa lelah kau berjuang membesarkanku
Berikan yang terbaik untukku

Ijinkanlah tanganmu kucium
Dan kubersujud dipangkuanmu
Temukan kedamaian di hangat pelukmu

Didalam hati kuyakin serta percaya
Ada kekuatan doa yang engkau titipkan
Lewat Tuhan membuat semangat bila diri ini rapuh dan tiada berdaya

Ada surga di telapak kakimu
Betapa besar arti dirimu
Buka pintu maafmu saat kulukai hatimu
Ada surga di telapak kakimu
Lambangkan mulianya dirimu
Hanya lewat restumu terbuka pintu ke surga

Kasih sayangmu begitu tulus,kau cahaya dihidupku
Tiada seorang pun yang dapat menggantimu

Ada surga di telapak kakimu
Betapa besar arti dirimu
Buka pintu maafmu saat kulukai hatimu
Ada surga di telapak kakimu
Lambangkan mulianya dirimu
Hanya lewat restumu terbuka pintu ke surga

Uuuuu huuu uuuuu

Hanya lewat restumu,terbuka pintu ke surga...

By Gita Gutawa

Dedicated to my mom. I miss u mom,xoxo.

cinta pertama dan terakhir

2009-08-27T14:16:00.000-07:00

sebelumnya tak ada yang mampu
mengajakku untuk bertahan di kala sedih
sebelumnya ku ikat hatiku hanya untuk aku seorang
sekarang kau di sini hilang rasanya semua bimbang tangis kesepian

*reff:
kau buat aku bertanya
kau buat aku mencari
tentang rasa ini, aku tak mengerti
akankah sama jadinya bila bukan kamu
lalu senyummu menyadarkanku
kau cinta pertama dan terakhirku

sebelumnya tak mudah bagiku
tertawa sendiri di kehidupan yang kelam ini
sebelumnya rasanya tak perlu
membagi kisahku saat ada yang mengerti

sekarang kau di sini hilang rasanya
semua bimbang tangis kesepian

*repeat reff

bila suatu saat kau harus pergi jangan paksa aku tuk cari yang lebih baik
karena senyummu menyadarkanku
kaulah cinta pertama dan terakhirku

*repeat reff

A song only for my beloved one. Thanks for being there with me whenever I need u, there's nothing else I could ask from ur unconditional love. U're such an extraordinary person, and I love to be with u forever. Love u and this song is only for u.

XOXO :)

fall 2009, means JUNIOR year

2009-08-19T20:44:00.000-07:00

Oh wow, haven't touch my blog for a long long time. 5 months? Insanely long, LOL.

Anyway, I feel so relieved to get out of DVC(finally) but I also feel stressed for university. Starting next week, I will be a student at University of Texas at Arlington. Exciting? Maybe, but I feel like I need more hoilday(am not kidding).
I'm soo not looking forward to go back to school but what can I say? School is important, if u wanna get a better paid job(u know, a job that can help u get a credit for ur house and car, and hopefully can fulfill all of ur needs of prada and gucci :p).

This morning John Chong sent me a wall in Facebook, and he said that he found some old pics. Yeah, it sure does bring back memories. Which again, made me wonder, why do I like spring so much. The most memorable events in my college life happened during spring 08&09. When I had my fun with my besties before they transferring, it was spring 08. And when I met my boyfriend and went all around together, it was spring 09. It was always spring, and next spring my boyfriend will come and be a student too at UTA. Can u imagine it? Everything that's exciting for me happens on spring. Gosh, I LOVE spring, LMAO.
I know it sounds lame but heck, who cares? :p

Sometimes I feel unsure about my life, but maybe it's true, God will always guides u and gives u the best. I believe it and I guess it happened to me already. More things to say but I just don't know how to write them all down now, LOL. I guess I'll write some more another time. Stay tuned guys, will be back with stories from junior year at UTA! :p

not ready for it

2009-03-29T18:48:00.000-07:00

I really hope my nightmare won't come into reality.
I had enough already in my past,and I don't wanna face it again.
I think I was wrong,well I made the choice,it's too late to regret everything.
But,I still just feel not ready about this. This is too much.
Now the thing is saying about what I expected to see,but what about the day after that,after that,after that?
If only I knew,I would've been more cautious about it.
Well,I guess I'm being overwhlmed right now,I can't think of anything straight.
Only God can help me,and really hope that He'll help me.
Cuz I just can't bear,the [ain that I'll have to take,the risk I'll have to face.
I know I know I sound lame,but how can I not? I can't think of anything straight right now and I don't have anybody to talk to about this.
This is only between me and God,I don't even wanna put the details in here.
Please pray for me,hope this will end soon,and I hope the nightmare won't come true.
I'm just too coward to face it now,I'm not ready for it.

unexpected

2009-02-25T14:03:00.001-08:00

And today,it is definitely a BORING day.

....

Hahaha, I don't have anything in particular about today, and basically have no idea about what am I going to write. But well, today's weather (which I don't think you guys interested to hear about) is finally GOOD (cloudy okay, but rain, uh uh).

I read my friend's blog, it reminded me about the past, hahaha. All about Indo, and how I miss them.
But at the same time, I don't feel like wanna go back to Indo.

Why?
Dude,that's the same question that's been asked to me many MANY times.

Well, first, my friends are mostly in here, and time flies so fast that it's already freaking 2 years now (well, not yet, but will be 2 years). It's my last semester in DVC, and I can't believe how many things have happened throughout these years (well, approximately 1.5 years, lol). I know it might sound silly or whatsoever (for someone: u know who u are when I mentioned this), but well, that's the way I feel. My co-worker told me, that friends u found in college are those that will stick with u throughout ur life. Why? Because they "grew up" with u, together u guys were in the phase of "finding ur true-self".
And yeah, I think so. I don't have anybody here except my friends. When we need some help, we all go to our friends. I learned a lot from this place, and even though some of them might be painful, but I learned how to be a more mature, stronger person (well I know I'm still childish in some ways, but hey, life is all about learning, right?) :)

Second, I left Indo too long (and yeah, I've been away for 1.5 years without ever going back home). I felt lazy already to go back, hahaha. But since some of my friends are going back (including my boyfriend), I think I'll be fine. I used to looking forward enthustiastically for going back to Indo, but now, I don't feel like I wanna go back. My friends in Indo, I felt "far apart" already from them. Rarely talk with them, rarely get news from them, everything's different, what can u expect? And I feel comfortable already in the US, everything's good for now (especially the internet, I LOVE the fast-speed internet here, seriously). But hey, I still need to see my parents, hahaha.

Mmm, going back to Indo not that bad, I know, and since I'm planning to go Bali with my friends and my boyfriend (dude, u'll have to go with "camer", lmao), so I think I'm gonna be allright. But I'm not looking forward to do something, well even though I NEED to do that, but I'm not that enthusiast, I prefer not to do that though. Well, for now, I can only hope for the best for it, I don't wanna have any "fight" or argument or whatsoever with that person. What I need to do is to get my things back and that's it, nothing much.

But I'm looking forward for summer with my friends (oh mom and dad, pleasee, can I go to Hongkong?). I know that Sky might go to Jakarta (yippie!), and Mosara might go too, but I still don't know yet. I might need to persuade Mario to go back to Jakarta (so I won't be the only one to show them around in Jakarta, or will I?). Keiko might visit too (so many people are going to stay in my house, hahaha), and Fefe might stay overnight too (oh fe, come to Jakarta ASAP, hahaha, as soon as u got back from Europe).

Well, so far that's it, hahaha, I wrote longer than I expected (or maybe I was in the mood of writing blog?). I'll try to write something else later on, lol. TTYL for now. :p

stuffs in the beginning of 2009 :)

2009-02-22T21:04:00.000-08:00

Haven't updated my blogs for ages =.="
Well,I have lotsa stuffs to tell,but since I'm too lazy to write them down....I'll just write some,hahaha :p

First: my new status = IN A RELATIONSHIP,HAHAHAHA
I know it's kinda funny,well,since I was single for about,hmmm,since april til december? So approximately it was about 8 months,lol. And it all happened so sudden that on the day we got together I felt like I was dreaming,hahaha. Anyways,we've been together for about,hmm,1 month and 8 days,so yeah,it was pretty fast. :)
I'm enjoying my time with him,surely,hehehe,he's so nice and I'm happy to be with him. :)
Oh,and the romantic valentine which ended up in a Mediteranian restaurant with us on tired legs cuz I wore high heels and he wore a pantofel,lol. But still,it was a romantic night. And I got Nemo and Stitch too! :)
Thanks hun for being there for me,love u sooo much,mwachx :)*

Second: I GOT ACCEPTED BY MIZZOU! WOOHOO! :))
Yeah,I got the acceptance e-mail about 3 weeks ago and still being so happy about it til now,hahaha. Since I thought there won't be any university that accepts me (in fact,I haven't heard anything from the other universities except Texas A&M and UT-Arlington). So,I haven't decided where I wanna transfer to,but well,Mizzou is still a choice and it offers good program for busines in there. I don't know though,still waiting now,but hey,I can still enjoy my acceptance :))

Well,I guess those two are the most important things that happened to me in the beginning of 2009,hahaha. Don't have any other idea what to write so I'll stop here first and when I have something to write,I promise I'll put it in my blog,hehehe. :))

Dao Xiang-Paddy Fragrance

2009-01-09T11:37:00.000-08:00

對這個世界如果你有太多的抱怨
跌倒了就不敢繼續往前走
為什麼人要這麼的脆弱墮落
請你打開電視看看
多少人為生命在努力勇敢的走下去
我們是不是該知足,
珍惜一切　就算沒有擁有

還記得你說家是唯一的城堡
隨著稻香河流繼續奔跑
微微笑　小時候的夢我知道
不要哭讓螢火蟲帶著你逃跑　
鄉間的歌謠永遠的依靠
回家吧　回到最初的美好

不要這麼容易就想放棄　就像我說的
追不到的夢想　換個夢不就得了
為自己的人生鮮艷上色　
先把愛塗上喜歡的顏色
笑一個吧　功成名就不是目的
讓自己快樂快樂這才叫做意義
童年的紙飛機　現在終於飛回我手裡
所謂的那快樂　赤腳在田裡追蜻蜓追到累了
偷摘水果被蜜蜂給叮到怕了　誰在偷笑呢
我靠著稻草人吹著風唱著歌睡著了
哦　哦　午後吉他在蟲鳴中更清脆
哦　哦　陽光灑在路上就不怕心碎
珍惜一切　就算沒有擁有

translation:
If you have too many grievances towards this world
Having fallen, you lose the courage to go on
Why do people want to be so weak and fallen?
Please turn on the television now and see for yourself
So many people bravely fighting for their lives
Shouldn't we be content,
Cherish all we have, even if we don't possess them
I still remember you said home is your only castle
Following the paddy fragrance, the flowing stream, I continued running　
Smile, I know the childhood dreams　
Don't cry, let the fireflies take you away, escaping　
You will always find serenity in folk songs　
Go home, return to the sweet past

Don't give up so easily, just like what I said,
If the dream can't be reached, then just follow another dream
Add bright colours to your own life
Paint love in your favourite colour
Smile, fame and success isn't the aim
Be happy. That is the whole meaning
(Just like how) I finally found my lost childhood innocence
What is happiness? It's chasing dragonflies in the fields barefooted till we're exhausted　
Tried to steal fruits but suffered so much beestungs until i am scared. Who's snickering (at me)?
Leaning against the scarecrow, enjoying the wind, singing songs till I fall asleep　
Oh~ Oh~ In the afternoon, the guitar chords sound more crisp amidst the cries of the insects　
Oh~ Oh~ The sunlight shines on the road so there's no need to fear a heartbreak　
Cherish everything, even if we don't possess them

Dao Xiang-Jay Chou

Listening to this song reminds me of my hometown. Not only Jakarta, but also Arroyo Grande in CA. I feel like I wanna go back to the past, but I also wanna cherish this moment. Living your past is not a good choice, but living your present to the fullest is the best choice. I wanna embrace everything in my life now, I wanna enjoy every moment of it. But hometown, whenever I smell the breeze of the ocean, it reminds me of going home. :)

Over it,over you,over us :)

2008-12-28T20:10:00.000-08:00

I'm over your lies,and I'm over your games
I'm over you asking me,when you know I'm not okay
You call me at night,and I pick up the phone
And though you've been telling me,I know you're not alone
oh..

That's why
(your eyes)I'm over it
(your smile)I'm over it
(realized)I'm over it
I'm over it
I'm over..

Wanting you,to be wanting me
No that ain't no way to be
How I feel,read my lips,because I'm so over..
Moving on it's my time,you never were a friend of mine
Hurt at first a little bit,but now I'm so over
I'm so over it..

I'm over your hands,and I'm over your mouth
Trying to drag me down,and fill me with self-doubt
oh..

That's why
(your world)I'm over it
(so sure)I'm over it
(I'm not your girl)I'm over it
I'm over it
I'm over...

Wanting you,to be wanting me
No that ain't no way to be
How I feel,read my lips,because I'm so over..
Moving on it's my time,you never were a friend of mine
Hurt at first a little bit,but now I'm so over
I'm so over it..

Don't call,don't come by
Ain't no use,don't ask me why
You'll never change,there'll be no more crying in the rain

Wanting you,to be wanting me
No that ain't no way to be
How I feel,read my lips,because I'm so over..
Moving on it's my time,you never were a friend of mine
Hurt at first a little bit,but now I'm so over
I'm so over it..
I'm so over it....
I'm over it....
Wanting you,to be wanting me
No that ain't no way to be
How I feel,read my lips,because I'm so over..
Moving on, it's my time,you never were a friend of mine
Hurt at first a little bit,but now I'm so over
I'm so over it..

Over it-Katharine McPhee

Yes dear,I'm so OVER IT. I won't be the same person that you knew before,the person that you think "you got under your skin". I'm a better person now,stronger and more mature. I know that you're a part of my life and that you'll always have that place in my story of life. But now,it's time for me to move on,enjoy my life,and find another one. If we are meant to be,then eventually we'll be back together. But if not,then we'll meet again as friends. Honestly,I had a confession to make. I think I was so STUPID to chose you long time ago over someone that I realized,I have feelings to him. Because you WERE a big part in my life,I couldn't choose him over you. But now,I know that it might be too late for me,but I still wanna try to come back with him. Well,thanks for being a part in my life for 2 years. Thanks for everything that you've done to me,though some of them were hurtful to me. But as I said before,you'll always be a part of my life,a MEMORY in my life. So,for now,I won't say goodbye but I'm over you,thanks. :)

Happy Holidays

2008-12-18T00:30:00.000-08:00

Finally,
I'm FREE!! YAY!!

Now it's time for me to enjoy my holiday,relax and sit back :)
Nothing to be worry about now
It's christmas time
I miss my family though,since I won't be going back this year :(
And I'm surely miss him,hahaha,ik hou van u :)
I know I was such a fool,I wish that I chose you before :(
I hope that you'll know my feelings for you
Can't really think about that f*cking class
Don't know my grades yet,well,I did the extra credit though,but it was a sh*t
Ok,no more rude sayings,I'll just enjoy and sit back and relax :)
Happy holidays!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,readers! :)

finals MADNESS,fall 2008

2008-12-15T16:13:00.000-08:00

MADNESS

Yes,MADNESS.
Final exams = MADNESS.
Started last night,will be ended on wednesday afternoon.
Still have three more to go,one is done today.
Forgot to do the graded quiz last night though,damn,don't know if I can pass that damn freaking class(regardless the subject,I still respect the teacher).
Two more days to go,but madness,duh,I really need a holiday. And my money (LOL).
Can't wait for christmas,but I'll be alone,not going back to Indo.
Well,I don't know,but I don't really wanna go back now.
I wanna go to his place,wanna see his face,and I still can go there by driving.
But he seems so far away,seems unreachable,don't know how to be with him.
Ok,madness has conquered my thoughts. I think I need to go back to my study now.
Til the madness ends...

Thank you so much guys!

2008-12-09T17:02:00.000-08:00

This year,my birthday was a blast. Even more surprising and happier than last year :)

Thanks for these people that made my birthday so wonderful,l love you all and hope that we'll stay friends forever :)

I can't say much,but all I can say is it's a bummer to be 18,but I think it's worth the memories that I got on that day.

Oh,and thanks for my coworkers,you guys are awesome and I can't imagine a better place to work than where I'm working now :)

Thanks to:

Brianna & Ligia -- best coworkers ever! :)

Mita,Hanny,Tri,Abe,Fefe,Amber -- I wasn't expecting cake and surprise because I was so sleepy,but I really appreciated it :)
Berlin -- thanks for the call,I really miss you sis! can't wait to see you again on spring break! :)
Fenty -- thanks for the call,even though you were sleepy,but I really miss you! :)
Mario -- I thought you forgot my bday dud,hahahaha,thanks for everything,and well,ik hou van u :)
Mosara,Tom,Vincent,Matthew -- thanks for the jacket and the bag! I just can't tell how much I love you guys! :)
My friends in facebook and friendster -- thanks for the wishes! I really appreciate them! :)

Anyways,I still don't like the fact that I'm 18 now,I feel old,lol. But well,I guess time goes on,life moves on,and everything changes. I'm a new,more mature person now. Thanks to the wonderful people around me! :)

best thanksgiving ever,2008

2008-12-04T19:32:00.000-08:00

I had my most wonderful and memorable thanksgiving ever :)

Well,too many stuffs to tell,too many stuffs to write,so just look at my facebook to check it out. :)

I'm missing you guys,especially Berlin and Mario,you guys have made my 2008 thanksgiving holiday the best thanksgiving ever and I'll never forget it. Every memories,every laugh,every moment,will be irreplaceable. Thanks to you guys :)

Love you guys and see you again,soon,on spring break 2009. :)

10 facts about me (current facts)

2008-11-12T21:51:00.000-08:00

surprisingly true? :p

10 FACTS ABOUT ME (current facts,can be change though due to the moving situation :p):
1. being such a LAZY person nowadays,oh gosh,I wake up late nowadays :p
2. really need some help for business-240,damn,why did he change the pass papers? mamamia!
3. counting days til thanksgiving or november 27th,2008! LA here I come!
4. living in a homestay,which is upupupUP on the hill that makes my betis look like TALAS BOGOR
5. missing my family in Indo,my friends,and someone special ;)
6. can't imagine that 6 months from now I'll be in university,without my friends in DVC :(
7. I LOVE edward cullen! 1 word to describe him:PERFECT,lol,I wish I have a boyfriend like him :)
8. crazy about november,5 birthdays all in one month!
9. can't wait to to issue the ticket on May 22nd,2009 from SFO to CGK,Jakarta!
10. just LOVING my life now :)

HOMEWORK'S RULLES:
1. Each blogger must post this rules
2. Each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves
3. Blogger that are tagged need to write about their own blog about their ten things and post. these rules. You need to choose ten people to get tagged and list their names
4. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged and to read your blog.

So,whoever read this blog please post this one again in your blog,have fun :)

decode

2008-11-03T19:06:00.000-08:00

How can I decide what’s right
When you’re clouding up my mind?
I can’t win
You’re losing sight
All the time
Not gonna ever own what’s mine
When you’re always taking sides
But you won’t take away my pride
No, not this time
Not this time

How did we get here?
I used to know you so well
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know

The truth is hiding in your eyes
And it’s hanging on your tongue
Just boiling in my blood
But you think that I can’t see
What kind of man that you are
If you’re a man at all
Well, I will figure this one out
On my own (I’m screaming, “I love you so”)
On my own (My thoughts you can’t decode)

How did we get here?
I used to know you so well, yeah
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know

Do you see what we’ve done?
We’ve gone and made such fools
Of ourselves
Do you see what we’ve done?
We’ve gone and made such fools
Of ourselves

How did we get here?
I used to know you so well,yeah
How did we get here?
Well, I used to know you so well
I think I know
I think I know

There is something I see in you
It might kill me
I want it to be true

Decode-Paramore

Imagine when u can actually know what a person's thinking about u. Scarry huh? Or might sound amazing to u? I don't know,u decide. But what about if u suddenly can't hear a person's thoughts,and that person means a lot to u? What would be in your mind? How will u feel about it?
-Twilight-

Dear God

2008-10-29T21:42:00.000-07:00

I'm being melancholic nowadays,which I don't know why. Busy and hectic with all the stuffs going on in my life,makes me think so hard how am I gonna survive this all. Oh yeah,I did messed up,but I'm trying so hard now to make it so much better,or I'm not gonna make it. Mom said that we don't have more money in hand,and therefore dad said that we need to pull out the long term deposit from bank. Makes me feel so guilty,why did I so selfish and stubborn to go here? I can just go to Singapore or Aussie which are cheaper for education. I even in the end can apply for PR in Aussie,but yeah,I didn't know that everything's gonna turn out this way. I can't seem to see anything straight now. Being me is such a hard thing,I need to work so hard just to get through this life. I miss my life back in Indo,but I also love my friends here,they're the reason why I'm still holding on. Life's unfair I know,but sometimes I feel why can't it be fair. Reasons are popping up,but none seem to be good enough to me. Am I being melodramatic? Maybe,but that's just the way it is dude. Dad told me he's still able to support me on my junior year,but a bit harder on senior year. Yeah,now what can be worse? And I'm spending a lot,dear GOD,I need a wake up call I guess. Been trying to handle myself but can't. Thanks,I know I sound like a spoiled bitch now. Dear Lord,I need a wake up call so bad. I really wanna save up money and help my parents. I'll try to look for a job this winter so I can at least have some money to save. Need to learn the stock market soon I guess,so I can have some money too. Oh God,please HELP me.

If I were a boy...

2008-10-18T20:00:00.000-07:00

If I were a boy

Even just for a day

I’d roll outta bed in the morning

And throw on what I wanted then go

Drink beer with the guys

And chase after girls

I’d kick it with who I wanted

And I’d never get confronted for it

Cause they’d stick up for me

[Chorus]

If I were a boy

I think I could understand

How it feels to love a girl

I swear I’d be a better man

I’d listen to her

Cause I know how it hurts

When you lose the one you wanted

Cause he’s taken you for granted

And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy

I could turn off my phone

Tell everyone it’s broken

So they’d think that I was sleepin’ alone

I’d put myself first

And make the rules as I go

Cause I know that she’d be faithful

Waitin’ for me to come home (to come home)

[Chorus]

It’s a little too late for you to come back

Say its just a mistake

Think I’d forgive you like that

If you thought I would wait for you

You thought wrong

But you’re just a boy

You don’t understand

Yeah you don’t understand

How it feels to love a girl someday

You wish you were a better man

You don’t listen to her

You don’t care how it hurts

Until you lose the one you wanted

Cause you’ve taken her for granted

And everything you have got destroyed
But you’re just a boy

If I were a boy-Beyonce

Maybe if he saw this,he might wonder why did I post this in my blog.But here is also like an "announcement" for all of the other guys. Guys,sometimes you can be so selfish,and you don't wanna care about girls' feelings. We are definitely more sensitive than you guys,and maybe we are so weird and unpredictable to you. But what you have to remember,is every girls always facing the same thing towards you. You guys are people with some kind of selfishness that we girls can't tolerate. And we can probably be better guys than you are if we were guys,and we can love the other ladies better cuz we know how it feels. But don't worry,I'm still straight(I STILL love guys,especially the cute ones). It's just like a metaphor,but yeah,here it is.

years--letting go

2008-10-09T22:02:00.000-07:00

If I wanna look back again,everything seems so far away. Today,I looked in my cellphone,the pictures that I saved in it. Those pics reminded me of the good days that I had before. Some were even,well,ironic maybe I should say,cuz they were taken just shortly before I had my hard time on fall 2007. But what made me feel so melancholic were those pics that were taken when I was in high school. It seems like years already,since I left high school and went to college. Well yeah,college seems forever,and university maybe worse,lol. But still,I don't know why,I miss the good old days. Everything was seemed to be perfect at that time,I feel happy with my life. In here,I'm struggling a lot,and I've changed. Sometimes I don't even recognize the "now-me". It's kinda weird to see how much I've changed. I became someone who's totally different from who I used to be. I have different point of view on some things,that I can't even explain why.
There were those times that I wish I can just turn back time and go back to those days. Life won't stop changing,time won't stop ticking,and you won't stop learning. One thing that I learned is to let go the past. I can't turn back time,that's for sure. Sometimes I feel like I can't get out from my past,but it's not that I CAN'T get out,I just DON'T want to let them go. And that's what trapped me before,inside my memories,trying to get the pieces together but in the end I know it's useless. I looked at some old messages in my cellphone,and it's kinda weird. The person I used to be will jump around and can't stop smiling to see at those messages. But the person that I am now,looking at those messages,feeling weird to know that I used to be so happy when I read them.
It seems like years have gone by,if I look back again into my life. But there are some parts of them that feel just happened yesterday,or not that long ago. I can still remember clearly what happened,and how I felt. I can even laugh at myself. But yeah,memories are memories,nothing can change it. You will never be able to turn back time,and all you can do is just letting go.

So long

2008-09-30T09:26:00.000-07:00

Happy days and happy memories
So long
I can't do anything but watch you go
It's killing me inside and out
Though I always wish that I can still have you
But time won't stop
And all I have to do is move on
Still,I can't stop thinking about you
Still,I can't stop crying
Was it ever really happened?
Was I not dreaming?
But it's so far away,can't be reached out
Oh dear Lord,do I have to live a life like this?
Wishing that those memories,those happy times
to come back to me?
Willing to turn back time,but can I?
All I can say is just so long memories...

so unlucky on unyil's bday

2008-09-29T09:21:00.000-07:00

"Who's teasing,who's being teased,who's fell down.." =s

Yesterday was unyil-mungil aka minyak telon aka hanny surya's 20th birthday(yaaay!). Well, only 1 more year before you're legal to drink girl,lol. Ok,so yesterday we(me,hanny,mita,tri,abe) went to Jayakarta restaurant in Berkeley to celebrate her birthday(and since she's craving Indonesian food for couple weeks). So we went there,had really good dinner,well yeah,LOTS OF food on the table,lol. And we still had some desserts. Mine was bubur ketan hitam or black sticky rice porridge, which is a porridge made from black sticky rice and coconut milk. It was so good,I mean,I love everything's sweet,hahaha. And mita had grilled banana with cheese,it was also good. After that, we went to Sweetheart,the famous bubble tea cafe in Berkeley. Even though it was already 8:30 pm,there were still lots of people there,waiting to buy the bubble tea. I bought,as usual,Taiwan style milk tea with peal. It's my favorite all the time,and whenever I go there I always buy it. Then mita bought the strawberry-banana smoothies with pearl. It was good,and I LOVE the pearls(they are the best compare to any other bubble tea cafe I think). Hanny had the strawberry smoothies with pearl and it was ok,I like mita's better. So, we went back to the car and suddenly,bruk! I fell down and my bubble tea as well. Dude,it was painful,cuz I land with my knees and my left hand was pushed to hold my body. And the sad thing is,my bubble tea. I mean,I wasted $3.25 just because of my stupid high heels and the dark road without lights so I didn't know that there was a space that can make me fell. Shoot,I wasn't able to drink it anymore cuz the cup was broken(well,it's a PLASTIC cup,and it got torn at the bottom). And I'm still having some pain in my knees and my left hand now. Damn,next time remind me not to wear high heels in Berkeley. =s

Oh,and by the way,I think it was supposed to be mita who fell,cuz she's the one who was teasing hanny. And "hanny's curse" will always work,well,to the "wrong" people including me. =s

it's all about if

2008-09-23T09:46:00.000-07:00

If..if..if..
That might be something that we always said everyday. "If I didn't do that...","If only I knew...",etc. Sounds familiar eh? And that's how I feel also towards the word IF. Yesterday I was thinking about some stuffs and those made me feel about what if... And it's kinda hard cuz you can't turn back time or whatsoever. In some ways,I feel so stupid to reject something that might've been so good to me. It was something sincere,and I was so blinded with something that I should've known but I just didn't want to admit it. And now,I feel so left out,and feel so alone. Feel so stupid to reject that thing,feel so stupid to broke that sincerity. And when I wanna come back,it's already too late. That sincerity has gone,and I feel so left out in here. Now everywhere I look around,it only reminds me of how stupid I was to reject that sincerity. If only I didn't reject it,I might be a lot happier now. And why did I shield myself from it? I don't even know. Maybe at that time,my heart was just so broken,almost can't be repaired,and it turns out that the sincerity almost can touch my heart. But when it already can touch my heart,it was too late. Lol,I know tha this might sounds corny or sissy,but here I am with all my regrets and my stupidity,hahaha. If only I could turn back time,if only I knew that everything's not as good as it seems,if only I knew that I should've accept that sincerity before it's too late. And it's all ended with if only...

stupid fish bone

2008-09-20T19:36:00.000-07:00

Well,it might sounds stupid or weird or wateva,lol. I "accidentally" swallowed a fish bone when I ate dinner 2 days ago on thursday night. So,it all began when one of my best friends,tom,asked me to go to his house and have dinner with some of our friends. Then,I went to his house and we all had dinner at around 8 pm. Oh and anyways,he cooked really good. :)

He cooked 6 dishes and they all were hella good,I need to ask him the recipes,lol. One of the dishes is a fish,cooked with some kind of sauce that I don't know. Ok,I was trying not to eat the bone part,but it was kinda hard,cuz the bones were so small and it's so hard to feel them in your mouth when you eat them with rice. And suddenly,I felt something inside my throat,hurting and kinda scratching. It was PAINFUL,like you wouldn't even wanna try it,it HURTS SO BAD. Poor me,there wasn't any rice left,and there's no bread,so I had to wait til I get back home to get a bread. I had to drink a lot of water while I was in tom's house,but it was no use cuz I still can feel it on my throat. When I got home,I quickly ran into the kitchen and had two pieces of bread and drank 2 big glass of water. Since I was still feeling it stucked in my throat,I just went to sleep and hoping it's gonna be better the next day. And it actually worked. I woke up yesterday,happy to realize that I didn't feel any fish bone anymore. So,I went out to SF yesterday,had fun with my friends and being silly crazy,lol.

By the way,maybe next time I'll just eat fish fillet or eat the fish with my hands,lol.

can u ask first?

2008-09-14T19:00:00.000-07:00

Ok,what's so hard on asking people whether the things are served for you or not? I don't wanna point anybody,but well,today something happened that I'm actually kinda,mmm,pissed off maybe? Well,I bought this soap from safeway and I planned to use it like 2 months,more is better. And I had my shampoo brought from Indonesia,cause it's kinda like a doctor's prescription shampoo. Then,few days ago,I noticed that the soap and the shampoo weigh so much lighter. I wondered why,cause I didn't use that much,I even had the soap for only 2 weeks. This morning,I put the soap and the shampoo in certain positions,to check out whether my assumption of someone using them is right or not. Then,I went to the bathroom this evening and found out that the position of the soap has changed. So,I knocked at my roommate's door and asked her whether she used my soap or not. And you know what her answer? Yes,she DID use the soap and the shampoo just because she thought my hostfamily served those for us to use. Damn,I was like,"WHAT?!",but I didn't say it out loud in front of her,I said it on my mind. And since I can't say anything,well,she said that she didn't know that those are mine,so I was like this smiling and saying that it's ok. She said that I can use hers but hey,it's no use now girl. She put her shampoo and soap in the bathroom now,so next time there WON'T be any usement of my shampoo and soap without my knowledge. To be honest,I was thinking like whether that girl,ok,I know this is sounds corny or childish or wateva,but can't she asked my hostfamily first before she used mine? I know I'm kind whinny now,but I can't take it,since it costs you MONEY,ok? I was thinking to save up some money on shampoo and soap also,I mean,they aren't cheap! Especially my shampoo,it costs me something with kinda small amount. Wateva,I just wanna whinning all around....

Old Irish Blessing

2008-09-07T12:55:00.000-07:00

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind will always at your back
The sun shine warm up on your face
The rains fall soft up on your fields
And until we meet again
May God,may God
May God hold you in the palm of His hands

May the Lord bless you and keep you
May the Lord cause His face to shine upon you
And give you peace

May the road(mmm) rise to meet you
May the wind will always at your back
The sun shine warm up on your face
The rains fall soft up on your fields
And until we meet again
May God,may God
May God hold you in the palm of His hands
May God hold you in the palm of His hands

Old Irish Blessing-Denes Agay

Dedicated for Father Aidan. We'll miss you father! :)

no offense

2008-09-05T11:41:00.000-07:00

Well,some people seem can't deal with their own probs. Talking sh*ts and craps,bullsh*ting all around like a fool,what a waste. I can't be agree with some of their actions,well,I don't think it's necessary to make another "war" in here. Don't u think that u have enough probs? Why can't u just have peace at each other? And without mentioning others? I mean,hey,don't crap with me,u mentioned my name for what? Are u trying to embarass me? Sh*t,it won't happen,but what I want u to do is just mind the business between u guys without mentioning the others that are basically not in ur probs. Oh,and about the delete thingy and block,u know what,are u afraid to face me? Sh*t can't talk that loud,just lemme know if u have any probs with me,don't just suddenly delete me from ur friends list. Oh,and besides,I'm actually don't have probs with u,we barely close each other now,and I just can warn u not to make another prob with me. I guess what we had in the past is enough and don't make me angry this time. I might lost in the past,now I won't,so don't bragging around and put other people into ur filthy war. Have ur space please and respect the others that are not included in it,or may I stressed it again,NOT EVEN IN UR LIFE. Ok,I might sounds crappy or wateva,but just have ur own life,do whatever u wanna do but just stay away from me. I don't need hypocracy in here,I had enough in the past. Oh,and I don't need the blabber mouth thingy anymore,it's sucks to know how someone that u used to trust betrayed u. I'm writing this without any offense to anybody,it's just how I feel. And if u have any prob with that,just come sit and we'll talk about it. Oh,don't hesitate to confront me cuz I have no fear facing u. Afterall,u're not exactly in my life and so do I,I'm just a stranger in ur life and so are u.

so what

2008-09-02T19:05:00.000-07:00

Na na na na na na
Na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na

I guess I just lost my husband
I don't know where he went
So I'm gonna drink my money
I'm not gonna pay his rent (nope)
I've got a brand new attitude,
And I'm gonna wear it tonigh

tI'm gonna get in trouble
I wanna start a fight
Na na na na na
I wanna start a fight
Na na na na na
I wanna start a fight

[Chorus]
So,so what I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't need you
And guess what
I'm havin more fun
And now that we're done
I'm gona show you tonight
I'm alright
I'm just fine
And you're a tool so
So what
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight

Unh
Check my flow
Uohhh
The waiter just took my table
And gave it to Jessica Simps(Shit!)
I guess I'll go sit with drum boy
At least hell know how to hit(Oops)
What if this flops on the radio,
Then somebodys gonna die!haha

I'm going to get in trouble
My ex will start a fight
Na na na na
He's gonna to start a fight
Na na na na
We're all gonna
To get into a fight

[Chorus]
So,so what I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't need you
And guess what
I'm havin more fun
And now that were done
I'm gona show you tonight
I'm alright
I'm just fine
And you're a tool so
So what
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight

You weren't fair
You never were
You want it all but that's not fair
I gave you life
I gave my all
You weren't there,you let me fall

[Chorus]
So,so what I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't need you
And guess what
I'm havin more fun
And now that we're done
I'm gona show you tonight
I'm alright
I'm just fine
And you're a tool so
So what
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight
No no
No no,I don't want you tonight
You weren't there
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright
I'm just fine
And you're a tool so
So what
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight
Ba da da da pffftt

So what-Pink

Well yeah,so what? Some people think that I care about what they're doing or wateva. But the fact is I DON'T CARE. Oh poor u guys,lol,I don't think that u guys can bring me down or watsoever. Cuz the thing about it is,I'm STRONGER than I might seem. I've been falling down several times,I've been stumbling and struggling with my life. And in fact,those make me even more stronger. I actually feel pity about those who think that they can ruin others' lives. In the end,everybody will stand alone against this world,especially in working world. People keep "eating" other people,"stabbing" other people not just in the back but also in the front,and being someone that they're not supposed to be. People can be so fake,and u'll realize that not all of them are worth ur trusts. Nothing is kinda easy as it seems,as same as it seems,and as good as it looks. Everything can become so different,and I mean it,TOTALLY different.But what I've learned in this life is just being myself,being who I really am,and do wateva I wanna do cuz life is only happens once. U don't need all of people to like u,it's impossible,but what u can do is just being urself in front of them. If they don't like who u are,then they're not ur true friends.Friends accept u for who u are,not because of what u are.Just take it easy and think: "So what?"

collide

2008-08-28T20:58:00.000-07:00

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you(yeah)

I'm open, you're closed
Where I'll follow you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find you and I collide

I'm quiet, you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
Somehow find you and I collide

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find, you and I collide
You finally find, you and I collide
You finally find, you and I collide

Collide-Howie Day

transfer

2008-08-25T21:43:00.001-07:00

"Bentar lg dah mw transfer loh tha.."

TIba2 pengen nulis blog pke bhs indo(gaya lo tha),lol. Well,gmn ya,abis dr kmrn2 gw nulis pke english trus,jd pengen ganti suasana jg,lalala(mulai deh gaje mode on). Jadi,crita gw dimulai dr,mmm,kapan ya,intinya sih br blkgn ini aja. Skrg kan gw dah msk ke fall term,brarti dah semester 3 gw di dvc. Ga berasa,tw2 gw dah staon aja disini,kynya baru kmrn deh gw nyampe SF bwad ptama kali dan ngerasain yg namanya SF itu dingin ya klo malem. Bener2 katro ndeso abis deh waktu itu. Dan skrg tw2 aja dah fall 2008,dah semester 3,dan gw dah hrs mulai mikirin mw transfer kemana aja. Temen2 gw sih bnyk yg msh blm pd tw mw kmn,gw sih selama staon kmrn ganti2 trus mw transfer kmn aja,lol(baca:dari UCLA ke UCBerkeley trus ganti lg ke UCLA,trus ke UT-Austin ama Texas A&M,bnyk deh pokoknya). Gw ngabisin waktu staon lbi cm bwad research(gaya bener lo tha ngmgnya research),cari uni sana sini,yg bagus tp gampang msknya(inilah contoh anak2 yg malas tp ingin msk skul yg bagus),hahahaha. Tapi yg bkin gw lmyn consider dan aga berat nii,mmm,well,bkn mslh disuru nulis personal statement bnyk2 mpe jari lo kaku kram smua,itu sih urusan ga gt gede,tp duit bwad application fee nya itu looh. Bygin aja,masa cm mw apply aja lo dah kena $75? Gmn ga gila tu,dasar skul2 sinting,belon tentu dtrima pula,bete in abis. Tapi gmn ya,namanya jg org usaha,nyari duit,ada aja gt caranya(koq tiba2 nyambung kesana tha?). Ya,pkoknya sih gt deh,mn mesti ngambil TOEFL lah,ngasi transcript lah,itu lah,ini lah(kbalik kale tha),ya intinya sih pusing deh ngurus transfer2 itu. :(

Duh,makin malem makin gaje deh gw. Besok lg aja deh gw trusin lg. Nite2

homesick AGAIN

2008-08-23T22:43:00.000-07:00

I won't be able to go back to indo for(mark this)ONE AND A HALF YEAR. Gosh,and it's kinda frustrating to see the fact it's still 10 months away before my flight back to Jakarta. Yeah,I know that I might sound kinda like corny or even sissy,but,that's what u get when u're not able to go back home as often as u wish u can. It's not like I don't like the fact that I live in America right now. I like living here,I quite enjoy my life,and most of my friends are here. But still,wherever u are,HOME(and I really mean home,not just ur house which is the place but actually ur actual home which is ur home country) will always be the best. Nothing can compare to the excitement of going home. And counting to december,hhh,it's 4 months away and the fact that I might spend my birthday in here(AGAIN to be exact),it's kinda,mmm,how can I say,worse? Since I can't get any chance to celebrate my birthday with my family and friends in Indo. I think,overall since my first coming here in US,my biggest obstacle in terms of living here is HOMESICK. It's sad yet killing u slowly(or killing u softly?LOL). And only God knows how much I miss Indo(even though maybe I already said it many times in my blog,fs,and fb). Maybe 3 months won't ever be enough to cover my homesick for like 1.5 years here,hhh.

just f*ck off

2008-08-17T12:15:00.000-07:00

Some people are just so annoying that they don't even realize it. In fact,I used to be one of them,but now I don't,lol. Ok,here's the thing. Remember the car incident that I made? And now I have to pay it,well,I don't know yet how much I should pay though. But there's this guy and he's so f*cking annoying(don't care my language now towards him,lol),and he acts like he knows everything,and he pissed me off TWICE. Yes,and like I don't have my own problems,he reminded me again of the problems that the car owner herself hasn't talk to me since the car is still in the towing company. He wants me to bring that car ASAP to the garage and have it fixed. Or in other words,he wants me to pay that car RIGHT NOW. In fact,I don't have enough money right now,I have my own financial problems. And I still need my money to pay some stuffs that I need to pay. He thinks just because I had a lot of working hours on summer that I can pay immediately for that car. F*ck it,I even haven't finished paying my loan to my mom for the money that I borrowed to pay the person's car that I crashed. And now he wants me to pay for the other car immediatly also? Dude,WHERE IS UR BRAIN? Just mind ur own business,I'll pay ur girlfriend's car but NOT NOW. I need to save some money first before I can pay and I don't need u to interfere in my problem,even if it contains ur girlfriend. So what I' trying to say is,just F*CK OFF. And fyi,I had enough of u so just try to get ur own life,ok?

my essay

2008-08-14T12:47:00.000-07:00

Being a student, especially international student, was never as easy as I thought before. There are a whole bunch of things to do, and you have more responsibilities not only to yourself but to people around you also. When I first came here, I didn’t know anybody here. I found myself in a very horrible situation when I had to choose for my classes on the first semester, even messed up I’d say. I know a lot of new students were having a hard time at their first semester and trust me, you’re not the only one. Second semester was so much better than the first semester. You’ll find it easier to get into the classes that you want, and you know better about what classes you have to take. And I’d recommend the drama class, it was so much fun and you can make some friends with new people, especially Americans. I took that class and I was the only international students in that class. But you know what, the other students were so nice and it’s fun to talk to them. Then you’ll have your summer, and you’ll find yourself get tan A LOT. I even feel like a zebra right now (since I wrote this on summer, and it’s definitely BURNING outside). And I got my first job, it was so exciting to get my first paycheck. If you’re looking for a job, then I’d suggest you to look for it when the semester is going to end, because a lot of students will be transferring which means, a lot of openings especially for fall semester. Well, I’m going to have my third semester this fall, and I’m excited about it. Living in the US isn’t that bad, even though sometimes life can be sucks and you’ll hate it. But actually, it’s fun to be an international student in here. I find it exciting if I meet people that speak the same language with me, because you’re not in your home country, you’re in other people’s country. And you’ll feel a lot of changes in your life. One year in my life has gone so fast, that I could still remember the very first time I arrived in SFO, seems just like yesterday. You might find it quite expensive to spend your money here for food and other stuffs. And you might be surprised when you found out that a book could worth $100 something. But you’ll get used to it, at least after one semester. I found myself changed a lot then what I used to be. I even have a different perspective of life now than what I used to have. Life goes on, it’ll change a lot, but you’ll find it’s fun to see it changes. So just try to enjoy your time here, make friends a lot, have fun, and try not to get stressed out a lot, LOL.

Life as an international student-by tHa

That's my essay for the DVC international students newsletter on fall. So just check it out and drop me some comments about it. :]

in such a young age

2008-08-13T19:55:00.000-07:00

Life gets more rough to me now. Money,money,money. Yeah,seems like everything is about MONEY now. Life was so much easier back then,now it's so hard to live on. I'm trying to get another job,so I can get some more money for my living cost. But it seems like it's so hard nowadays,and I only can hope for the best. My prayer to God has always been the same nowadays,I hope I can finish my study,at least til I get my bachelor's. I know that my parents are facing financial problems nowadays,and it makes me kinda like guilty cuz I was spending too much on the last 3 months. I need to cut everything out now,I even have to cut my hang out time. Isn't it kinda funny,when u look back to the past,when u didn't have to think about money but study and have fun? But now ur world seems like it's turning upside down? Funny,how life can easily changed,and in a short time. Everything is so much different now,everything has changed. Sometimes I feel sorry to myself,that I already have to think about money,work,when I'm only 17 years old,not even 18. I hate the fact that I already have to deal with life problems in such a young age. I know that when somebody turned to be 17,they're considered to be adults,grown ups. But in fact,it's still such a young age! I mean,my "journey of life" is still long,and it won't stop just yet. Yeah,sometimes those problems are just too much for me,and I can't stand it.

viva la vida

2008-08-12T13:52:00.000-07:00

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
Once you go there was never,never an honest word
That was when I ruled the world(Ohhh)

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become
Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world
(Ohhhhh Ohhh Ohhh)

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world
Oooooh Oooooh Oooooh

Viva La Vida-Coldplay

There were times when I was this girl,who felt so lucky with my life. I can get almost everything that I want,life seemed not that bad. I had a family that loves me so much. I had friends that accept me for who I am. And I had a boyfriend who loves me and cares for me. But now,everything seems to fade away. Here I am,stranded in california,without those things. I mean,well,I do still have my family,but they're back there in Indonesia,not here. And I'm alone. I broke up with my boyfriend kinda like 4 months ago,and I'm still can't totally get over him. I felt kinda like distanced from my friends in Indonesia,seemed like we're now live in two different worlds,and seemed like we have almost nothing in common. Only calls,sometimes,no message what-so-ever. And it's been always me who looked for them,and I feel left out honestly. Life has been so much different for this past one year. I learned some stuffs from it,I had my heart broken,I had my world turned upside down. Life isn't fair,I know,but sometimes it's just too hard. Now,I do have my new friends here,and I really grateful for it. I still have my parents who loves me unconditionally,and made me feel grateful and sometimes guilty for it. There's still some problems in my life,especially the financial thingy and other probs. I'm still struggling with those things,and I just wanna get thru them all soon. How my life has been changed a lot,in kinda quite short time(1 year isn't a long time),sometimes I even can't understand.

unfairness

2008-08-10T21:30:00.000-07:00

Sometimes,I feel kinda jealous to those people,who don't seem to care about money. It's always there whenever they need it. Well,the sayings about "life isn't fair" seems so right to me. I mean,I just wanna be happy,but seems like it's so hard to reach. Since that f*cking incident,I have to pay my mom with my paycheck. And I won't be able to pay it all til I think,mmm,1-2 months from now. Gosh,I really just wanna have a life,where I can just spend my money without thinking. Like those filthy richies kids,damn,they can spend money for whatever they want. I have to work,well,I like to work though,and I already got a job in campus. At first,nothing's special happening,but after that incident,I can't use my paycheck. And now,cuz of my habit and lifestyle,I have to really save my money and can't use it for anything that's not necessary. And I have to wait like at least til september til I can use my paycheck again. Well,life isn't fair,it's so unfair. I got rejected again by another store where I applied for a job. I got the e-mail today,just after I woke up. I felt hopeless actually,yeah,now I'm just hoping for the best. I know that I can't choose my destiny or my fate or my life. God is the one who determines it all. But,well,I kinda jealous though with those that are so lucky. And sometimes it kinda bugs me cuz they're kinda arrogant,spoiled,etc. Not all of them,but some of them are like that. And some that still can't satisfied by what they've got,and still bugging other people. Gosh,get a life and look at ur own reflection,please! Ur life is good enough! Oh well,I guess I don't have any idea left now.

terserah

2008-08-08T12:32:00.000-07:00

Jangan kau ganggu hidup ku lagi
Sudah jelas kini yang kau mau
Kau sakiti hati ini tuk ke sekian kali
Memang ku cinta namun tak begini

Dimana arti sebuah kesetiaan
Bila hanya dalam kata-kata
Kucoba untuk bertahan namun aku tak sanggup
Sungguh tak mampu sayangku

Reff:
Terserah kali inisungguh aku tak akan peduli
Ku tak sanggup lagi jalani cinta denganmu
Biarkan ku sendiri
Tanpa bayang-bayangmu lagi
Ku tak sanggup lagi
Mulai kini semua terserah

Terserah-Glenn Fredly

For someone:
I don't know what will happen in my life or yours. But one thing for sure is that I'm just trying to live my life now. I'm trying to move on from what we had before,and it's hard. I'm just hoping that you would stop talking about the same thing all over again. It's not that I don't wanna talk to you,I want to talk to you,but it's kinda frustrating when you keep saying that thing again and again. Honestly,you made me into a difficult situation. I was in the middle,I can't choose,and you made me took the hard choice. And you left me,blaming the situation,when you know that it's actually can be worked on if you wanna try. But in the end,I was here,alone,trying to make things work,and you just seem don't care. Hence,you keep saying some things that made me feel offensed nowadays. But now,as I'm just trying to move on,I hope that you'd respect me as I respect you. Since I HATE your words that saying "I got her under my skin." I'm on my own,nobody owns me. And you definitely DON'T have me under your skin. Now,I'll just let everything flows,and just wait. If we're meant to be together,then eventually we'll be together. For now on,it's up to you...

afterall...

2008-08-05T08:13:00.000-07:00

I feel so stressed now,so much stuffs going on in my head. It seems like I almost gonna lose "my life",and it feels like I just wanna turn back time when I was happier. I'm afraid that I won't be able to continue my study,and those stupid banks keep making me crazy,I have to talk to one of them today. I can't sleep well,eat well,all I'm thinking is how to get money faster and that means get a job as soon as possible. Well,I do working now,but I need another job cuz this one won't be enough to pay my needs,especially since I need to pay that stupid lady,sh*t. I'm so scared now,I just wanna have my old life back,when all I know is just to study and have fun with my friends. Right now,I'm kinda regretting my decision to go here and study. If only I just go to Australia or Singapore,maybe I don't have to really stressed out like this. The tuition is not that high actually,but the living cost is freaking HIGH. I just can pray that I can get into a university that I want,which I've carefully selected and their tuition and living cost is not that high. But still,I'm scared,I'm freaking scared. I just don't wanna lose my opportunity to study,especially in college and university. I mean,I don't care now if I have to work under table or not,as long as I can help my parents. Cuz I feel guilty if I spend too much money,which seems I did,and I feel really guilty about it especially since the economy of my family isn't that good anymore. My dad even doesn't know whether he can survive in his company or not,I'm just praying that everything's gonna be allright. Pray for me that I can get another job as soon as possible,ok? Well,yeah,afterall it's only life....

it's only life

2008-08-03T20:06:00.000-07:00

Tears are forming in your eyes
A storm is warning in the skies
The end of the world it seems
You bend down and you fall on your knees
Well get back on your feet,yeah

Don't look away,don't run away
Baby,it's only life
Don't lose your faith,don't run away
It's only life

You were always playing hard,never could let down your guard
You can't win,if you never give in,to that voice within
Saying pick up your chin,baby let go of it,yeah

Don't look away,don't run away
Baby,it's only life
Don't lose your faith,don't run away
Baby,it's only life
(repeat)

Take your hesitance,and your self defense
Leave them behind,it's only life
Don't be so afraid of facing every day
Just take your time,it's only life
I'll be your stepping stone,don't be so alone
Just hold on tight,it's only life,oh..

Don't look away,don't run away
Baby,it's only life
Don't lose your faith,don't run away
Baby,it's only life
(repeat)

It's only life,it's only life,don't look away...

It's only life-Kate Voegele

We all do have our down and up times in our lives. Sometimes it feels like we can do,or we can have,almost everything that we want. But at the other times,it feels like we lost everything,or we have nothing left inside. At times like that,I usually look up for my friends and family,cuz they are those that u can trust. And life will never be easy,trust me,it even can turn out to be very sucks and painful. It's rude and unfair. I do have my downward times,when I felt like I have nothing and being left alone in this world. But as I'm growing older,as I'm trying to see this world through another point of view,I realize that life isn't that bad,isn't that sucks,as I thought before. Life has its own joyful side,u just need to find a way to live ur life in that side. Even til now,I'm still looking the way to live my life all the time in that side. But it's almost impossible,cuz ur life must have its own rude and painful side. In the end,if u can go through it all and never lose ur faith,either in urself or in other people,u'll find the way to live ur life in its joyful side. Afterall,it's only life.

stranger

2008-08-02T22:39:00.000-07:00

Nobody believes me when I tell them that you're out of your mind
Nobody believes me when I tell them that there's so much you hide
You treat me like a queen when we go out,wanna show everyone what our love's about
All wrapped up in me whenever there is a crowd
But when no one around

There's no kindness in your eyes
The way you look at me, it's just not right
I can tell what's going on this time
There's a stranger in my life
You're not the person that I once knew
Are you scared to let them know it's you?
If they could only see you like I do
Then they would see a stranger too

Did I ever do anything that was this cruel to you?
Did I ever make you wonder who was standing in the room?
You made yourself look perfect in everyway
So when this goes down, I'm the one that will be blamed
Your plan is working so you can just walk away
Baby your secret's safe

There's no kindness in your eyes
The way you look at me, it's just not right
I can tell what's going on this time
There's a stranger in my life
You're not the person that I once knew
Are you scared to let 'em know it's you?
If they could only see you like I do
Then they would see a stranger too

Such a long way back, from this place we are at
When I think of all the time I've wasted, I could cry

There's no kindness in your eyes
The way you look at me, it's just not right
I can tell what's going on this time
There's a stranger in my life
You're not the person that I once knew
Are you scared to let 'em know it's you?
If they could only see you like I do
Then they would see a stranger too

There's no kindness in your eyes
The way you look at me, it's just not right
I can tell what's going on this time
There's a stranger in my life
You're not the person that I once knew
Are you scared to let 'em know it's you?
If they could only see you like I do
Then they would see a stranger too

Stranger-Hilary Duff

When somebody that u know suddenly turned out into "a stranger",a person that u never knew before,what will u do? And that's the question in my life. There are a lot of people in my life,and I thought that I know some of them well. But in the end,I always think that I don't know them that well,or even,I don't know anything about them. It's kinda sad though. And sometimes I become stupid,just like what I became with "that person" before. I mean,I wasted my time just to please that person,and it's really unworthy. If only I could turn back time,maybe I'd choose another one,and I'd certainly do other things rather than to please that unworthy person. My friends told me that I was blind,I was stupid,and I was weak. I'd do anything that the person wants,I was too nice. And what I got in the end is almost like a heart attack. It's shocking yet devastating,since I know that thing. It was really broke my heart,and even worse,I feel bad for myself. Well,I did thought about it,about whether I should do anything and please that person or not. In the end,cuz I chose to please that person,I had my heart broken again. If only I could turn back time,maybe I'd go for the other choice one,and I'm regreting my "mistake" at that time.

the day before

2008-08-01T22:41:00.000-07:00

A day that takes eternity
Or a Year that seems to fly
It feels as if the past has stopped
The future passed by
If I could turn back yesterday
If I could make you mine
Would have said the things I couldnt say
If I could turn back time
But I know things now that I never though I'd see
I Could have been the one you wanted me to be

[Chorus]
Take me back through the time that's over
Take me back to days gone by
Wish that I could take you back and feel you standing by my side
Make me more than just a memory
Someone that you cant ignore
Take me back to when you loved me yesterday
To the day before

I wonder where we could have been
If we had read beetween the lines
I should have done things differently
We should have seen the signs
If time with you were standing still
But years could pass us by
I could have said the things I meant to say
I'd never need to try
But I know things now that I never though I would
I could have been the man you though you understood

[Chorus]
Take me back through the time that's over
Take me back to days gone by
Wish that I could take you back and feel you standing by my side
Make me more than just a memory
Someone that you cant ignore
Take me back to when you loved me yesterday
To the day before

Through the pleasure and the pain
If I'd had the chance
You know that I would do it all again

[Chorus]
Take me back through the time that's over
Take me back to days gone by
Wish that I could take you back and feel you standing by my side
Make me more than just a memory
Someone that you cant ignore
Take me back to when you loved me yesterday
To the day before

The Day Before-North

If only I could turn back time,I wanna redo some things that I shouldn't have done in the past. And if only I could fix that mistake,a mistake that makes me kinda regretting it,and makes me realize how stupid I was. If only I could turn back time,really,when I was happier than now. I don't know why,but I wanna turn back time to spring again,I wanna be with my friends again. Some of my closest friends have transferred to universities,and I wonder when will I meet them again. One of them is even preparing to transfer on next spring. How I wish I could turn back time,and do more stuffs,spend more time with them. And if only,I could get a chance to go to that time,when I was supposed to make the right decision about it,and that's how my feeling is presented in this song. If only I could...

lucky

2008-08-01T09:02:00.000-07:00

Do you hear me, I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Lucky-Jason Mraz ft. Colbie Caillat

Life is so beautiful,and sometimes we don't realize it. My life has been beautiful,has been at its downward and seemed awful,but in the end it's always gonna be beautiful. And I know that I'm lucky in many ways,many things. Sometimes we always think that we're unlucky,we're so poor or wateva,we never wanna look for people who might be those that are really unlucky. It's a shame though to say that u're such an unlucky person when u're actually such a lucky person,u have almost everything that u need. There's a friend of mine,and that friend is basically has everything that me and my other friends want to have. That friend never satisfied of anything,everything has to be perfect,which is kinda weird,cuz nothing in this world is perfect. U can't live a perfect life,it's impossible. And u can't force it,I mean,u're kinda like forcing something that's impossible. There's always a downside and an upside of life. And u can't expect everything to be perfect,or someone to be perfect. Be thankful for what u already had,already got,already reached. U are lucky in ur own way,there's always somebody who's not more fortunate than urself. Like a saying,there's always a sky on a sky we see.

disturbia

2008-07-27T20:01:00.000-07:00

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

What's wrong with me?
Why do I feel like this?
I'm going crazy now
No more gas in the rig
Can't even get it started
Nothing heard, nothing said
Can't even speak about it
All my life on my head
Don't want to think about it
Feels like I'm going insane

Yeah
It's a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mind
It can control you
It's too close for comfort

Throw on your break lights
We're in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play nice
Watch out, you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must faulter be wise
Your mind is in disturbia
It's like the darkness is the light
Disturbia
Am I scaring you tonight
Your mind is in disturbia
Ain't used to what you like
Disturbia
Disturbia

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Faded pictures on the wall
It's like they talkin' to me
Disconnectin' your call
Your phone don't even ring
I gotta get out
Or figure this shit out
It's too close for comfort

It's a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mind
It can control youI feel like a monster

Throw on your break lights
We're in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play nice
Watch out, you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must faulter be wise
Your mind is in disturbia
It's like the darkness is the light
Disturbia
Am I scaring you tonight
Your mind is in disturbia
Ain't used to what you like
Disturbia
Disturbia

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Release me from this curse
I'm trying to remain tame
But I'm struggling
You can't go, go, go
I think I'm going to oh, oh, oh

Throw on your break lights
We're in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play nice
Watch out, you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must faulter be wise
Your mind is in disturbia
It's like the darkness is the light Disturbia
Am I scaring you tonight
Your mind is in disturbia
Ain't used to what you like
Disturbia
Disturbia

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Disturbia-Rihanna

Today at church,I felt something,it's kinda weird and made me feel so uncomfortable. Then there was something that was,actually,what I was kinda scared of. I don't know why,and my mind is in disturbia right now,I don't even know what am I writing right now. All I know now is how to get a job soon and get the money ASAP. I don't care if it's gonna make me work under table,who cares,all I need now is the money. Hahahaha,sounds like a money whore eh? Wateva,all I need now is a help to get out of this madness. God please help me.

final is OVER

2008-07-24T22:38:00.000-07:00

Finally

Finals are over

The math final was so hell easy

So now

TIME TO CHILL!!

Wuhuu,summer is here(even though it's only gonna last for 3 weeks before the school starts),I'm loving it! ;)

freaking out part 2

2008-07-23T21:32:00.000-07:00

Am I ready for the final

I hope so

But the truth is....

I'M STILL FREAKING OUT

damn,only 10 hours left,gosh,hope I'm gonna be OK,I HAVE TO to be OK!
geez,81 dude! OMG,I wanna get A in this class! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

freaking out

2008-07-22T21:39:00.000-07:00

1.5 day before calculus final

AND I'M ALREADY FREAKING OUT NOW

have to get at least 81,geez,what else could be worse? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

take a bow

2008-07-21T21:07:00.000-07:00

Ohh, how about a round of applause,
Yeah, standin' ovation,
Ooh ohh yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah.

[Verse 1]
You look so dumb right now,
Standin' outside my house,
Tryin' to apologize,
You’re so ugly when you cry,
Please, just cut it out.

[Chorus]
Don’t tell me you’re sorry 'cause you’re not,
Baby when I know you’re only sorry you got caught,
But you put on quite a show (oh),
You really had me goin',
But now it’s time to go (oh),
Curtain’s finally closin',
That was quite a show (oh),
Very entertainin',
But it’s over now (but it's over now),
Go on and take a bow, ohh ohh.

[Verse 2]
Grab your clothes and get gone (get gone),
You better hurry up before the sprinklers come on (come on),
Talkin’ 'bout girl, I love you, you’re the one,
This just looks like a re-run,
Please, what else is on.

[Chorus]
And don’t tell me you’re sorry 'cause you’re not (mmm),
Baby when I know you’re only sorry you got caught (mmm),
But you put on quite a show (oh),
You really had me goin',
But now it’s time to go (oh),
Curtain’s finally closin',
That was quite a show (oh),
Very entertainin',
But it’s over now (but it's over now),
Go on and take a bow, ohh.

[Bridge]
And the award for the best liar goes to you (goes to you),
For makin' me believe that you could be faithful to me,
Let's hear your speech,
How about a round of applause,
A standin' ovation.

[Chorus]
But you put on quite a show (oh),
You really had me goin',
But now it’s time to go (oh),
Curtain’s finally closin',
That was quite a show (oh),
Very entertainin',
But it’s over now (but it's over now),
Go on and take a bow.

But it's over now.

Take a bow-Rihanna

I don't know which one should I trust,because I wasn't there at the time. Honestly,I can't choose,and
it drives me nuts. I felt so stupid and blind now,and I feel that person is a real jerk At the same time,there's still some feelings,which confused me now. Everybody is saying different things,totally different each other,and I'm in the middle. Which one should I choose,I don't know. Some said,I have to let it go,get over it,and move on,live my life. But,there's a part in me,saying that I don't wanna let it go,I still holding on to the past,to the memories. Drives me nuts,really,u can't imagine it. Now I do have some new people,coming into my life,makes some differences in my life. And should I let it go? I mean,should I let my past go? What should I do,I don't know. I don't even have any idea of what was going on behind my back. Well,those things were happening behind my back,everybody seemed to hide them. I can't think of anything,I just don't know which one to trust now,I honestly trust both sides. But,which one is the right one,I think I have to make a decision. Maybe,I should get over it and have a new life? Bunch of others out there,yeah I know,but oh well,time will heal everything,right?

happy ending

2008-07-20T19:16:00.000-07:00

This is the way you left me,I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Wake up in the morning,stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love
[repeat]

I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday
This is the way you left me,I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
To live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Happy Ending-Mika

This song represents my feeling for somebody. Yeah,u left me with nothing but emptiness now. I don't know what to do with this feeling now,I had my heart broken. I don't even know,will I ever be able to make it for love. There's no such things like happy ending,yeah that's right. Happy ending is only in fairy tales,in disney channel,in cartoon. It's a fantasy,and I'm starting to doubt whether I'll get my happy ending in this life. Seems like it's so hard for me just to be happy,I mean,COMPLETELY happy. Seems like what I wanna get,what I wanna be,are so hard to reach. I only have a simple wish,a happiness in my life,is it so hard to be true?

bulletproof

2008-07-18T21:42:00.000-07:00

Just a simple touch,
Just a little glance
Makes me feel like flyin'.
But where are you tonight?
Something isn't right,
Can you please stop hiding?

I'm trying not to think about
All the things you did before,
But sometimes it all just gets to me.
I can't take it anymore.
I'll stay with you,
But remember to
Be careful what you do,
Cause I'm not bulletproof.

In your secret place,
Staring into space,
Leaves me feeling frozen.
I just need to feel,
that what we have is real.
And I'm the one you've chosen.

I'm trying not to think about
All the things you did before,
But sometimes it all just gets to me.
I'll stay with you,
But remember to be careful what you do be
Cause I'm not bulletproof.

Ref.

Be careful what you say,
Be careful what you do.
I'm not bulletproof.
I'm not bulletproof.

Bulletproof-Kerli

I'm not a person,who can always be strong and tough in facing this life. And I'm not a perfect person,who can stand everything that everybody have done to me. I'm just trying to be tougher,to be stronger,to be more faithful in facing my life. Sometimes I even hide my problems and my stress,behind my smile. Even to my closest friends,I still can't show it sometimes,I keep hiding it. Yeah,I know it might not a good idea to keep everything to myself,but hey,people don't gimme the chance to show it,so what? And for those people,u know what,I AM NOT BULLETPROOF,I do have feelings,and have u ever realized how u guys also have hurt me?

just say it

2008-07-17T20:53:00.001-07:00

I don't know,and I'm so unsure now. Well,sometimes people's opinions matter right? And now I'm thinking about it. I'm so scared the same thing will ever happen again to me,the "kicked out" thing. To be honest,right now I'm somehow feel blessed that I do have my friends that wanna hang out with me,wanna be my friends,and most important of all,accept me for who I am. But,I'm some kind of unsure about it now,whether they really accept me for who I am. I talked with one of my friend today,and well,yeah,sometimes truth bugs u so bad eh? And I think it kinda bugs me though,even though I basically already know about it. Yeah,I know that not everybody can like u,not everybody can accept u for who u are,not everybody value u as much as u value them,and not everybody know who u really are. It hurts when everybody gave u that look,which made u feel kinda like disgusted. I hate it when people gave me their judgement,beofre they know who I really am. It's sad,and I don't know whether those people will ever realize or not. I mean,ok,u might think that I'm annoying or what,but just tell me right from the beginning! It's hard to be me,and it's never easy,and I don't need more from ur judgement! And to face the truth,well,it's never easy. Now it's hard for me to kinda face my old world,the world that I thought I've left there. For some reason,I think I have a happier life in here. People see u as an adult,and everything can be discussed. And college students have different perspective than high school student,that's is the most outstanding thing I've seen and got. How people deal with u is so much different than when u were in high school. Right now,I feel like I do have friends,who's there for me whenever I need them. Yeah,basically,I live a good life in here. People respect u for u who u are,and I know that university is going to be so much different and probably,so much better. My coworker,brianna,told me one time that I can get more friends and different life when I'm in university. And so,yeah,life goes on,and people change. I might be one of them who has changed. And I just want to prove to those people that I CAN CHANGE,and what they thought about me was wrong. I mean,dude,people can't stay the same all the time right? So,I just want to prove to them that I can be a better person and those people,please,don't judge me anymore. I f there's anything that u don't like about me,just SAY it.

come and go

2008-07-15T15:47:00.000-07:00

In our life,people do come and go,and some stay. One of my biggest fear in life is losing my friends. I've been ditched once,and it still gave me traumatic feeling until now. And that's why I'd do anything to fix my friendship with my friends,when I feel like I need to do something about it. Even though it's been almost a year,I still can't get over that traumatic feeling. And there's this one guy,who used to be so close to me,and I even can say that he's one of my best friends. We were so close that everybody was thinking we are couple,which is not. Well,some things happened,and since then we were like making distance at each other. To be honest,it hurts me,cuz I feel like I'm being left again. That traumatic feeling came to me,and I was so scared to loose another friend. Being here,alone,in United States which practically made a big difference between me and my friends back in Indonesia,made me feel so upset. I already feel lonely,knowing that me and my friends are now living in basically,DIFFERENT worlds. Yeah,different. Everything wasn't the same,everything has changed and life goes on. And that's how I deal with my life,I'm learning how to let go some things in my life. But,some things are just too painful,too unforgettable,too precious to be let go. I just feel like I'm not ready yet to loose those things,precious things in my life. And now,I'm facing one of my "almost-over" friendship. Well,yeah,some things were my mistakes,I was stupid and blind. But,well,I'm trying to fix it now,and I don't know what will happen to me later. 2 of my friends made me realize,they were being so wise,that I do have to let go some of the things in my life,no matter how precious or how unforgettable those things to me. Life still goes on,the world still goes around,no matter what will happen. So,I'm waiting for what will happen after I try to fix this friendship. I know I might have to face the worst of the bunch,but well,at least I still those who will be there for me. All I have to know maybe just how to let go some things in my life....

did I make a right choice?

2008-07-13T12:04:00.000-07:00

Being a single child is never an easy task for me. There are a lot of things for me to do,and I can't fail,since I'm "the inly hope" in my family. It's hard for me sometimes,the pressure is too intense,people demand a lot from me. Sometimes I feel not good enough for my parents. Well,I'm not saying that I'm an useless child in the family. In fact, I did some competitions,I did some stuffs,that I'd say can make my parents proud of me. My biggest achievement,mmm,maybe I can say,went to college at age 16. Some people were surprised when they heard I'm still 17 now,and already in college,even though I think there's nothing special from it. But yeah,they sound like it's a big deal for them. And right now,I'm kinda missing my "old" life,I'm mising my "old me". I don't know why nowadays,I feel like I just wanna turn back time,and go back to the past. If I look back,my past was so happy. I was more cheerful than now,I smiled and laughed more. I used to have what I call perfect life:family who loves me so much,boyfriend who loves me for who I am,friends who always been there for me,and I lived in a really good environment. Everything seemed so perfect,too good to be true,and I was already spoiled by it. It all changed when I came to US,and now,I'm kinda regreting my decision to came here and study. My stupid decision,that ruined everything in my "so-called-perfect-life",and turns out my life became "so-called-hell-life". Yeah,everything's changed,everything's different,and I sometimes feel left by my friends. We live in different worlds right now,basically. It hurts me at the very first time,cuz I never feel left alone before. Then I broke up,everything's changed. I shielded myself from any other guys,which I don't know why. And I even missed a chance for something that probably can make my life into a better situation now. My life has turned out to be a miserable life. Well,even I realize that I do have those people who care for me,and I even be said like a person who always have friends around her,and the person who always cheerful. And sometimes it's hard for me to be like that. I can't always be cheerful,and always surrounded by friends. I had my heart broken,many times,by those people that I care about. I don't know how am I gonna survive throughout this life. Now I'm questioning myself,and my decision to came here,did I make a right choice?

one step at a time...

2008-07-11T13:00:00.000-07:00

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting
We live and we learn to take

One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting
We live and we learn to take

One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
When you need to find the strength
It's the faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

One step at a time-Jordin Sparks

I know that there are some things that we can't rush them to happen. But sometimes I get so impatient,I get so mad,that I just want everything to be fast. I even forget how to enjoy the process to get those things to happen. I know that life is full of learning something,and that everything happens for a reason. And they will happen when it's time for them to happen. Now,I feel kinda messed up with my life. I feel like it's not as good as it used to be. But,well,life goes on,world keeps changing everyday,and I can't stop the world from turning around. So,what I can do is only hoping for the best in the future,and live my life to the fullest. And that's why,I think I need to do everything,well,one step at a time....

Who doesn't want happiness?

2008-07-07T14:02:00.000-07:00

Well,if I look back,I'd say that my life was probably better and happier than now. Yeah,humans never satisfied by what they have. Maybe if I could turn back time,I'd say that tomorrow's a better day. It's not always like that,life can't always be what we want it to be. There's meeting and there's goodbye. There's tears and there's laugh. As a kid,I always wanted to be an adult quickly. I wanna explore the world freely. I wanna be recognized as a responsible person. But when I'm already,well,legally,adult,I feel like I don't really wanna be an adult. Being an adult is not easy. Well,I'm not saying that I'm already an adult though,I consider myself as a teenager,since I'm not 20 yet (my standard of how old an adult is). Things change,life goes on,and I just wanna be a person who can enjoy my life and live my life to the fullest. Even with lots of problems right now,I'm still trying to enjoy my life. Life is sucks,I know,but life can also be beautiful. Yeah,I know sometimes I think too much that I always worry about small things that I shouldn't be worried about. Now,I'm just praying that everything in my life is gonna be allright,and I can have my "old life" back. I wanna be that cheerful,happy,healthy girl like I used to when I was in Indonesia. I wanna have a good life. Yeah,who doesn't want to be happy? Who doesn't want happiness?

Is it you-Cassie

2008-07-06T12:35:00.000-07:00

I'm looking for a lover not a friend
Somebody who can be there when I need someone to talk to
I'm looking for someone who won't pretend
Somebody not afraid to say the way they feel about you

And I'm looking for someone who understands how I feel
Someone who can keep me real and who knows always
Baby I like to have you in my way
And I'm looking for someone who takes me there,
Wants to share, shows he cares
Thinking on the one that I've been waiting for

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me? (Could you be?)
Could you be the one I need?

I'm looking for someone to share my pain (Uh)
Someone who I can run to, who would stay with me when it rains
Someone who I can cry with trough the night
Someone who I can trust who's hardest right
And I'm looking for someone

And I'm looking for someone who understands how I feel
Someone who can keep me real and who knows always
Baby I like to have you in my way
And I'm looking for someone who takes me there,
Want to share, shows he cares
Thinking on the one that I've been waiting for

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be this one I need?

Take for grant
How much I care (How much I care)
And appreciates that I'm there
Someone who listens
And someone I can call who isn't afraid of thought to share

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you by Cassie

My feeling for u,well,it's undescribable. I just don't know how to show it,or how to say it,cuz it seems like u don't understand about it. It seems like u don't care,and it hurts. I don't know what else I should do,cuz I just can't stop this feeling for u. Even if I wanna deny it,I just can't,I don't know why. Will u realize my feeling for u? Will u accept me? Cuz I had my heart broken many times,and it hurts so bad. How to show u my feeling if u act like u don't care?

miserable life

2008-07-05T09:57:00.000-07:00

It seems like everything in my life is now miserable. I mean,since that "accident of July 3rd",my life has totally changed,has totally became miserable. Nothing else can make it worse. Now it's all about money and how to solve the prob with those people. I mean,ok,I made mistake,but it's also her fault to not stop when I was pulling back the car. Oh,wateva,it already happened and now I have to take care of the risk. But it's just such a shame,damn,I don't think that I ever wanna drive car in cali anymore,except if it's my friend who's gonna drive. But I only go with them,if it's edwin,mario,berlin,regina,hendrick,or kevin who's gonna drive. The rest,well,I don't think so. It's just gonna make my shame worse. Right now like I just can't everything's right. My sleep wasn't good at all,I lost my appetite to eat,and my thoughts seemed to make me worse and worse each day. I mean,NO MORE good life. Yes,NO MORE. My life has became such a f*cking miserable life,it's just can't be repaired,unless til the rest of this year. I just hope that I can get transferred quickly now,yeah,I just don't want to stay in here longer. Even my besties have already gone,and 1 of them even are going to transfer next spring. Damn,it seems like my life has a neverending sad story yet miserable. I had enough of people who's bugging me,I mean,I wanna handle it friendly to those people. Yeah,at least without insurance so I can just pay cash. Well,I don't even know what I'm writinh about now,I lost my thoughts. Ok,wateva,when I have my mood again I probably write some more.

3.5 days with hanny :)

2008-06-28T22:23:00.000-07:00

Ok,so here is another blog,after I feel kinda like lazy to write this blog,hahahaha.

Oh,and by the way,don't forget to read "the tale of onyit" and gimme some comments ok? :D

So,yesterday was the third day that I stayed out over night at Hanny's house. I started to stayed at her house since thursday night,because she was alone at her apartment and was scared cuz there were some freaky sounds that scared her. So,she asked me to stay over night at her house. Luckily,my mom said that I can stay at her house,so I stayed at her house and will go back to my homestay tomorrow. For the last 3 days,we were having fun,kinda like arguing each other,but always ended up by laughing together. It's kinda weird,cuz we weren't that "close and crazy" before,especially since that "oakland tragedy" (FYI,I DON'T wanna talk about it,it's too painful). And so,here is the details of 3 days with hanny :)

On thursday afternoon,we went for lunch together at Korean BBQ plus! in Concord. It was kinda nice,especially since there was this korean guy,who was smiling all the time and it makes him look sweet,hahahaha. After that,I went back to the math lab to finish my homework with kevin. We both were kinda like freak out whenever we found some problems that we don't know,and we stressed out when we found that actually the problem is easy after we went to the tutor. On that day,I was surprised at myself cuz I could do most of the problems,and I even was helping kevin more than before (usually it's him who helps me doing the homework). We then finished at 6pm,and I asked hanny to pick me up at school. We then drove to Concord to find something to eat. We were thinking to go to Wong Luang,the Thai restaurant in Concord downtown But since it was so crowded,we decided to go to another place,so we headed to Sichuan restaurant in Pleasant Hill. Hanny hasn't been there before,so I suggest to go there and try. As usual,I ordered my favourite,Dan dan mian :). Then we went home. It was a tiring day,and after I chat with my mom,I went for a deep sleep.

Friday morning,I met mario in the msn and asked him what will he do for that day. He said that he'll go to SF to get his passport back from the Indonesian consulat,since his passport was almost expired and he needed to renew it. Tin was supposed to go with us at 10:30,but he didn't answer his phone and it was already 11am. Mario was kinda a bit mad,cuz he had to be at the consulat before 1,since it's gonna close for lunch. So,me,hanny,and mario,drove away to SF. When we were entering the highway,tin called me and I gave the phone to mario. He was surprised that mario were actually left him,but he can't blame mario,since he's the one who told mario that he will come at 10:30. So he said that he'll join us at SF with alex later on. We arrived at the Indonesian consulat around 12pm,and after that we went to Japan town to have lunch. We went to Benihana restaurant,which I'd say not as nice as I thought,and it was quite pricey,but well,it's ok,since three of us haven't tried that restaurant before. Alex and Tin joined us in Japan town,and me and hanny were having mochi ice cream sundae with extra mochi after lunch (YUMMY!!). After that,we went to Golden Gate Park,which was really big,but we didn't get to the museums at there,so we ended up walking around the park,mostly the forest part. The weather was pretty chilly,and thankfully both me and hanny brought our long coats :D. After walking around,we decided to go to Powell,since I told the others that there are LOTS of SALE in SF since last week. I ended up buying a t-shirt from Urban Outfitters and a black cute top at ZARA. Mario was the one who bought clothes the most,hahahaha,surprisingly,since he's the one who's always "not in the mood for shopping". After that,we went home and I stayed at hanny's house again.

Saturday morning,I woke up and asked hanny to get up and have breakfast with me,but she won't get up,since she was still sleepy after doing her business law assignments. I met vincent in the msn and asked him to have breakfast wih me,and he said that he'd like to come. Then I tried to wake hanny,with some "special ways",hahahaha. Finally she got up and we get ready to pick vincent at his house. We went to Marie Callender's,a fancy restaurant in Concord which serves American food. Then we bought pies also. I bought the chocolate cream pie,while vincent bought the lemon meringue pie. Mine was sweet,just like a chocolate pudding. But vincent's was kinda sour,although I like the meringue part. Then me and vincent went to mario's house,asking where does he want to go. Mario said that he's already not in the mood to go somewhere,since he went out all day long on friday,so he prefered to stay at home. After that,I drove vincent back to home and went to Sunvalley mall with hanny. She wanted me to help her buying present for her friend's birthday on sunday. After that,we ended up buying clothes in H&M,which offers quite good price for the clotheson sale,hehehehe. We also bought same t-shirt from Disney store. Then we went to Safeway,looked around to buy something to make fried rice. I bought a sausage to make fried rice,then we went home. We made fried rice with Indofood seasoning,the Indonesian seasoning for fried rice. After that,we ate dinner and put the rest of the food,which we already prepared,into a container and brought them to mario's house,with a piece of my pie. Then we went back to home.

Sunday morning,well,was kinda hectic,cuz I kept forgetting things and left some at hanny's house. For example,I was supposed to have a choir rehearsal at 10:10,but since I left the music book at hanny's house,I have to drove back again to her house and get it then drove back to the church. Today was the last day for the choir to sing at the church before we have summer break until September. After the mass was ended,hanny drove me back to home and she went to SF to celebrate her friend's birthday. Christina and david picked me up at 4pm to go to Janet's house in Walnut Creek. It's going to be the annual party before the summer break,and it sure was really nice. I mean,damn,those foods were good and tasty,yum! I talked a lot with the choir members,and it was nice,since we don't have much time to talk to each other. At 8pm,we left her house and christina and david drove me back home. And here I am,sitting in front of my laptop and doing my blog,hahahaha. Anyway,it was kinda fun having good weekend with my friends. :)

the tale of onyit (based on the true story?)

2008-06-23T22:29:00.000-07:00

tHa as kuYa
YoZsE as yoZsecHiiY aKa onYiT
haNnY as kuCinG

and the story begins...

prologue:
Onyit is a poor monkey. Her friends always teasing her and make her speechless. But they love her so much. Onyit is now travelling outside to visit her family. Her friends are missing her so much,that they always look forward to talk to her. One day...

tHa *dismissing onyit* : "Hussh!"
YoZsEcHiiY *pretending nothing happened* : "Please try to call again."
(since when monkey can use cellphone?)

tHa : "Hussh!"
tHa : "Hussh!"
tHa : "Hussh!"

*still dismissing,using hands*

YoZsEcHiiY *speechless* : .....

*kuya grabs onyit*
*kuya holds onyit in the tail,onyit is now held upside down*
*onyit struggles to get free*
*kuya holds even harder*
*kuya opens the door*
krieeeeeet
*throwing onyit to outside*
bruk!
*closing the door quietly*
blam

tHa : "Now it's peaceful."

*onyit starts scratching the door*
scratch! scratch!
*onyit swings to the window*
*onyit hits the window glass*
praang!
(wonder why onyit's still survive after breaking window glass)

YoZsEcHiiY : "Nguk! (I'm here!)"

*kuya walks fast toward onyit*

YoZsEcHiiY : "Nguk! (I'm here!)"

*onyit swings inside the room*
*kuya got onyit's tail*
*kuya holds onyit so tight*
*kuya gets a rope and ties onyit*
*kuya opens the door*
krieeeeet
*throwing onyit as far as she can,as hard as she can*
*onyit fell so hard to the ground*
gedebuk!
*kucing saw everything from her couch*
*kucing laughs when onyit fell"

YoZsEcHiiY *speechless* : ---------

*kuya closes the door and the window*

YoZsEcHiiY *still speechless* : ............

*kucing is still watching and laughing at kuya and onyit*
*onyit feels sober*
*kuya and kucing watching from inside the house*
*kucing yawns a lot*

YoZsEcHiiY : "Kuya...master oogway"
(What the hell to do with Master Oogway in Kungfu Panda the movie?)

*kuya and kucing laugh again*
*kuya and kucing pointing at onyit while holding their stomachs*

YoZsEcHiiY *mad look* : "Tai! (Sh*t!)"

*kuya and kucing laugh even harder*
*onyit gets more angry*

YoZsEcHiiY *mad voice and look* : "U guys are monkey!"
(why would onyit call others monkey? she's a monkey!)
YoZsEcHiiY *laughing* : "Ahaha!"
(laughing herself,scary...is onyit crazy? might be)

tHa *still teasing onyit* : "Monkey' is begging..."
YoZsEcHiiY *so-called-innocent-look* : "Monyet mengeong. (Monkey meows)"
(since when monkey can meow?)

tHa *still-teasing-mood* : "To get in..."
(poor onyit? hahahaha)

YoZsEcHiiY : "Loh?"

*kuya and kucing go into bathroom"
*kuya and kucing bring out water inside a jug*
*kuya and kucing open the window*
*onyit turn back to see them with hoping-look*
*kuya and kucing lift up the jug together and throwing water to onyit*
byuurr!!
*kuya and kucing close the window*
brak
*kuya and kcuing turn on the soundproof system in the hous*
(since when these "animals" are so modern?)

Hanny *feel so relieved* : "Now it's so much better now without any noise."
tHa *happy face* : "Let's watch movie,han!"

YoZsEcHiiY *hopeless look* : "Geez,kuya and kucing nowadays.."

tHa *still happy face* : "So we don't have to hear onyit."

YoZsEcHiiY : "So modern."

tHa *teasing voice* : "Well,at least we're not like monkey,soo 'left behind'."

YoZsEcHiiY *shaking her head* : "Can watch movie and using soundproof system."

Hanny *happy face* : "Let's watch Kungfu Panda!"

YoZsEcHiiY *laughing*: "Ahahaha!"
YoZsEcHiiY *still laughing* : "Master oogway."
(why is she still talking about Kungfu Panda character? weird onyit =.=)

*kuya and kucing can't hear what onyit said*

Hanny *confused* : "Who's Master Oogway?"
tHa *pointing at a character in the movie* : "That old turtle one,do u see it?"

YoZsEcHiiY *speechless* : -_-

Hanny-Be strong! Don't worry, everything will be ok *shaking her head* : "Oooh,I see. I didn't know his name."
tHa : "Well,let's just continue watch the movie then."

*kuya and kucing relaxing and eating popcorn*
*onyit looking from the outside with jealous look*
*onyit is starting to cry*

YoZsEcHiiY *with hopeless voice* : "Onyit is going to watch movie with ms. cs"
YoZsEcHiiY *laugh sadly* :"Ahahha.."

*onyit is walking slowly and sad to the zoo"
*onyit enters her cage and still crying*
*onyit tries to call ms. cs*
*nobody answers the phone*
*onyit feels hopeless*

YoZsEcHiiY *shaking her head* : "U guys are so ms. s....!"
YoZsEcHiiY *sad voice* : "Don't be like her laa!"

*onyit is looking for a rope*
*onyit is looking for a tree*
*onyit ties herself into the rope*
*onyit ties the rope into the tree*

YoZsEcHiiY *crying,sobbing,hopeless* : "Goodbye everybody,goodbye world..."

*the rope is pulling onyit's neck*
*onyit feels the pain*
*onyit can't breath*
*people stop to watch onyit*
*most of them are laughing*

"Do u think I'm funny,heh?!" thinks onyit

*onyit feels mad and angry*
*kuya and kucing pass by*
*kuya and kucing pointing at onyit*
*onyit feels worse than before*
*onyit still can't breath*
*onyit tries to scream,but no sound*
*suddenly there's a sound from onyit's throat*
ngeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
*onyit feels even hopeless*
*onyit DEAD*

-The End- -Finish- -Fin-

And that's the end of the tale of onyit,hope u guys enjoy reading it :)

you raise me up

2008-06-22T20:14:00.000-07:00

You raise me up-Josh Groban

When I am down and,oh my soul,so weary
When troubles come and my heart burdened be
Then,I am still and wait here in the silence
Until you come and sit awhile with me

You raise me up,so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up,to walk on stormy seas
I am strong,when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up,to more than I can be

You raise me up,so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up,to walk on stormy seas
I am strong,when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up,to more than I can be

There is no life,no life without its hunger
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly
But when you come and I am filled with wonder
Sometimes,I think I glimpse eternity

You raise me up,so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up,to walk on stormy seas
I am strong,when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up,to more than I can be

You raise me up,so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up,to walk on stormy seas
I am strong,when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up,to more than I can be

I always feel thankful,that in my life,I have those people,who helped me and made me strong to face the life. I've been to times,when I was rejected and hurt,when I felt hopeless and devastated,but I think,I've made it through now,and I'm proud of it. :)
I just wanna say thank u for those people who have made me gone this far,who have made me feel so strong and loved. I'm nothing without them. :D

my family
arie
my besties
and those people that I can't mention one by one
I love u all :)

xoxoxo

friends forever...

2008-06-20T23:53:00.000-07:00

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of the night in June
I Didn't know much of love, but it came too soon
And There was me and you, and then it got real blue
Stay at home talkin' on the telephone and
We would get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at our selves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

Chorus:
As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change, from whatever
We will still be, friends forever

So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money
When we look back now, will that joke still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

*Repeat chorus*
La, la, la, la; yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la, we will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

*Repeat chorus 3x*

Vitamin C-graduation (friends forever)

There's always meetings and goodbyes. Life goes on,nothing stays the same. When I look back to a year before,it was so different than now. I even think that my past was a dream. Sometimes I wanna go back to my past,when I was so much happier than now. But I know that this is a life that I have to live,and there's a better future that waits for me. I might can't change my past,I might can't change everything that happened in my life. But I know that I can change my future,it's in my hands. And it's up to me,how am I gonna make it. Nobody knows what future has for them,only time knows. But til then,just live ur life to the fullest. Make the best effort in ur life everyday. Don't stop hoping and believing in ur life. :)

Dearest friends,
I don't wanna say goodbye,it's hard for me. It feels like,I can't see u again if say goodbye. And I don't wanna lose u,that's why there won't be any goodbyes from my mouth. Instead of it,I'll say "see u again". :)

I know sometimes it's kinda bullshit to say that there's a thing called friends forever in ur life. But what I've learned is,ur true friends will stick with u,thru thick and thin. Their friendship might can't be seen in the surface,and they might can't always be beside u. But their hearts never far away from u,u can always feel their companies and friendship with u. And ur true friend,is the one who u can count on and believe in,who believes in u and counts on u,and the one who will always be there for u,whenever u need him or her.

bye bye...

2008-06-18T16:33:00.000-07:00

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
It's something more than saying "I miss you"
But when we talked tooAll them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

[Chorus:]
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Bye Bye [3x])
Bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
That you can make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

[Chorus]

(bye bye bye bye bye bye [3x])
Bye bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandfather
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

Bye bye-Mariah Carey

Yeah,I never wanna say goodbye,cuz it's too painful. I know that soon,I'll have it. 3 of my best friends have already gone,to have a "new life",transferred into university. The last one is still here,but he's gonna transferred soon also. It's kinda hard to face the truth that I'll have to face my new fall semester,another year in college,without them. I mean,I don't know if I'm ready yet,I still need their companies. But,I know that life goes on,and we'll go separate ways,to have a new life. Well,the only thing that I wish for,is that distance and time won't separate us apart from our friendship. I'll really miss them,so much. So,I won't say good bye to them,there'll be only see u again. :)

This post is dedicated,special to 4 of my dear close friends,that I'm soon gonna miss u all. :)

fenty
berlin
mario
yosevin

questions of life...

2008-06-17T20:07:00.000-07:00

(Verse 1)
Feels so Different Being Here
I Was So Used to Being Next to You
Life For me is Not the Same
There's no One to turn to
Dont know why i let it go too far
Starting over it's so hard
Seems like everywhere I try to go
I keep thinking of you

(Bridge)
I just Had a wake up call (call)
Wishing that i never let you fall (fall)
Baby you were not to blame at all (When Im the One that Pushed you Away)
Baby if you knew I cared (cared)
You Would Never Went No Where (no where)
Girl I should've been right there

(Chorus)
How Do I Breathe without you here by my side
How will I see when your love brought me to the light
Where do I go when your heart's where I lay my head
When your not with me, how do I breathe
How do I Breathe

(Verse 2)
Girl Im Losing my Mind
Yes, I made a mistake
I Felt That you would be mine
Guess the joke was on me
This is so bad I can't sleep
I Wish I Knew Where You Could be
Another dude is Replacing me
God, This Cant be Happening

(Bridge)
I just Had a wake up call (call)
Wishing that i never let you fall
Baby you were not to blame at all (When Im the One that Pushed you Away)
Baby if you knew I cared
You Wouldn't have gone no where (no where)
Girl I should've been right there (and i wonder)

(Chorus)
How Do I Breathe without you here by my side
How will I see when your love brought me to the light
Where do I go when your heart's where I lay my head
When your not with me,how do I breathe
How do I Breathe

(Hook)I Cant get over you,no(ooh)
Baby I dont wanna let go(ohhhh)
Girl you need to come home,back to me
Cause girl you make it hard to breathe
Oh when you're not with me

(Chorus)
Tell Me
How Do I Breathe without you here by my side
How will I see when your love brought me to the light
Where do I go when your heart's where I lay my head
When your not with me,how do I breathe
How do I Breathe

Yeaaahhhhhh

How do I breathe-Mario

Ok,so,I made up my decision. And I know,that it's kinda hard,but I still have to make a choice. I decided to choose,well,I don't wanna say it. It's just hard,to be rejected sometimes,but,well,I guess I don't really feel hurt. I mean,it's not as hurt as what I felt before. It surprised me though,cuz I thought that I'll feel really sad. But,well,maybe it's not like what I thought? I don't know.
Mmm,afterall,if we're meant to be together,then we will be,I just don't know when. Only time knows all of the answers to my questions of life...

picture of u in my heart

2008-06-17T11:33:00.000-07:00

Picture of you-NORTH

(Verse 1)
Hmm, hmmm
Girl, I'm thinking of you
And I don't know what to do
Let me see into your mind
Only you can decide
Do u see in me a change?
Got me whispering your name
What is there in your heart?
Tell me right from the start,I love you
And I'm thinking about you
Got me singing my, my, my, my
Please be mine

(Chorus)
Coz I've got a picture of you in my heart
And a vision of you in my arms
And I just can't deny what's going
On in my soul and I
I can't let u walk away
Till you hear what I got to say
I love u more, more
More than the air I breathe

(Verse 2)
Take me back to the start
When you captured my heart
You became my closest friend
Said you'll be there till the end
And I know that I was wrong
When I told you everything
But there is one thing I kept
In the deepest part of me
I don't know what you're feeling
Cuz I know my ship is sinking
Got me singing my, my, my, my
Please be mine (please be mine, yeah)

(Chorus)

(Bridge)
Oh.... yeah.....
How would I know if you're feeling what I'm feeling
I can only hope that you're thinking what I'm thinking
Of you
How would I know if you're feeling the same way I do?
Cos I.....

(Chorus)

(Outro)
Mmm,oh yeah,ohh
Picture of You

It's hard,when u can't make any choice in ur life. I know that we have to make choices,but for this time,it's so hard for me. I can't decide,which one is better,both are nice,perfect choices for me. Yeah,I know I might sounds selfish,but this is how I feel,and it's so complicated. The more I try to deny,the more it grows deeper. Sounds stupid that I can be so coward and speechless like this. I don't know,I just hoping for the best,only time can answer it all.

confuse

2008-06-16T14:08:00.000-07:00

Nothing much I can say nowadays,cuz there's too much things going on in my head.

I just can't make a choice...

Do you want me by Hilary Duff

I cry like a baby when I don't get my way
Do you want me?
I won't apologize when I make a mistake
Do you want me?
I got scars on my heart and they won't go away
I'm looking for someone to take them from me
Everybody knows I'm a little insane
Do you want me?

Oh, I try to be normal I try to put one foot in front of the other
When I feel
You don't even know I'm alive
I open my mouth
'Cause I'm waiting for your love to fall from the sky
And I feel
You think that I'm out of my mind
And maybe you're scared to be right
But you'll never know 'till you get me alone

Do you want me?
I'll tell it to you straight so it can't get worse
Do you want me?
I want to show you me,but first thing's first
Do you want me?
I'm looking for a savior to save my soul
All the damage that I've done has left a big hole
Everybody knows I just want someone to hold
Do you want me?

Oh, I try to be easy I try to put one foot in back of the other
When I feel
You don't even know I'm alive
I open my mouth
'Cause I'm waiting for your love to fall from the sky
And I feel
You think that I'm out of my mind
And maybe you're scared to be right
But you'll never know 'till you get me alone

You're looking at me strange,like you don't know my name (My name)
You're looking at me strange, like you don't know my name
You're looking at me strange, like it's some kind of phase
You're looking at me strange, like you want me to change

When I feel
You don't even know I'm alive
I open my mouth
'Cause I'm waiting for your love to fall from the sky
And I feel
You think that I'm out of my mind
And maybe you're scared to be right
But you'll never know 'till you get me alone

Do you...
Do you...
Do you want me?
Do you...
Do you...
Do you want me?

You'll never know 'till you get me alone...

Do you...
Do you...
Do you want me?
Do you...
Do you...
Do you want me?
Do you...
Do you...
Do you want me?

You'll never know 'till you get me alone...

Do you...
Do you...
Do you want me?

feelings since sunday til now....

how will i know...

2008-06-14T21:45:00.000-07:00

I know there is something that I'm feeling
But I can't quite put it into words
It's got me hopin hopin that you feelin it too
Cause for me it's a first
Does anyone truly understand what real love is about
Don't say I'm too young to know what's real
My heart skips a beat I can hardly breathe
Every time that he comes near

It's so amazing almost crazy how I'm thinkin bout you lately
Tell me how in the world did it come to this
It took me by suprise When you opened my eyes
To hopefully show me what love is

How will I know
Could it be the butterflies I feel whenever I'm with you
How will I know
Or the way I'm at a loss of words I can hardly keep my cool
How will I know
Everyday now stop stop stop I keep thinkin bout you
How will I know I'm in love

How will I know
Could it be the butterflies I feel whenever I'm with you
How will I know
Or the way I'm at a loss of words I can hardly keep my cool
How will I know
Everyday now stop stop stop I keep thinkin bout you
How will I know I'm in love

Somebody tell me
Will I ever know
Somebody tell me
Will I ever know

If it aint love
Then tell me why am I always searching for excuses to call
And if it aint love
Then tell me why am I always hopin' to see him in the halls
And if it aint love
Somebody tell me why I lie awake at night starin' at the walls
And if this isn't love
Then I don't really need it cause I'm happy here with no love at all

It's so amazing almost crazy how I'm thinkin bout you baby
Still I don't really know if this is real
I want you so much more
But I'm unsure if this is true love
That I feel

How will I know
Could it be the butterflies I feel whenever I'm with you
How will I know
Or the way I'm at a loss of words I can hardly keep my cool
How will I know
Everyday now stop stop stop (everyday, all day)
I keep thinkin bout you
How will I know I'm in love

How will I know
Could it be the butterflies I feel whenever I'm with you
How will I know
Or the way I'm at a loss of words I can hardly keep my cool
How will I know
Everyday now stop stop stop I keep thinkin bout you
How will I know I'm in love
How will I know (yeah)

How will I know
Could it be the butterflies I feel whenever I'm with you
How will I know
Or the way I'm at a loss of words I can hardly keep my cool
How will I know
Everyday now stop stop stop (everyday, all day)
I keep thinkin bout you
How will I know I'm in love (How will I know I'm in love)

How will I know
Could it be the butterflies I feel whenever I'm with you
How will I know
Or the way I'm at a loss of words I can hardly keep my cool
How will I know
Everyday now stop stop stop I keep thinkin bout you
How will I know I'm in love

How will I know
Could it be the butterflies I feel whenever I'm with you
How will I know
Or the way I'm at a loss of words I can hardly keep my cool
How will I know
Everyday now stop stop stop I keep thinkin bout you
How will I know I'm in love

how will i know by keke palmer

my feeling for today...

gimme a break!

2008-06-13T21:28:00.000-07:00

Ok,so today started with the hot and shiny sun. I went to mario's house and UNFORTUNATELY,he was still in the dream land. So I went to hanny's house,sitting in her room and read magazines. Then mita went into her room,since she heard my voice from outside after she finished bathing. We were talking about getting ticket to get back to Indo. I checked online at CathayPacific.com and guess what,the price was FREAKING EXPENSIVE. Yes,EXPENSIVE. I mean,u have to spend like $1634 just to get back to Indo?!?! What the hell,I don't wanna spend that much money. The last time I checked,it was $1529! Why suddenly the price goes up in just days? I called Borneo travel,trying to find out the price. Then it turns out that they can give the price at $1382,it's already including the tax. So,I said to them that I wanna book the seat first and I want it to be on hold,so they're gonna on hold my seat for 2 weeks before I pay. Then I went to Quickly with mita and hanny,and I tried to call mario again. He said that he's not sure whether he wants to go with tin and mosara or not,but I can just come with them. So I went to his house from Quickly,and then not long after,tin and mosara came. We went to Walnut Creek,looking around,and I brought mosara to Urban Outfitters,where I found some good bargains for the clothes (she'll probably need to call me before she wants to go shopping,since I always told her where to go for sale and bargains,hahahaha). Then mosara went for dinner with her friends,and I ended up having dinner at Fresh Choice with mario and tin. After that,we went to mario's house to get tin's car. We went to his house afterwards,cuz he just moved out on tuesday. His house was so nice,it was so clean and neat. Gosh,I LOVE his house,hahahaha. After that,we went back to mario's house. Then my mom called,she wanted to chat with me,which means I have to go home,IMMEDIATELY. Tin drove me home,and I took a bath quickly. But it turns out that my mom went offline without saying anything,my goodness. Then I have to wait til she went online again at night,yes,at NIGHT. Gosh,I was having this confrontation with her and it ended up I felt so bad to myself. Well,it happened many times,it always ended up me being the most guilty person in the world. Hhhh,I don't know what else I have to do,gosh....

To be continued...

hectic,hectic,hectic,HOT

2008-06-12T15:42:00.000-07:00

Ok,why it's always like this. It was REALLY quiet in the morning. And I was even so bored in ISAS. Then in the late afternoon,kinda like 2pm,it started to be SO hectic. Yes,SUPER-DUPER-BUSY-HECTIC in ISAS. Which made me wonder,why suddenly these people came in the very last minute? And for worse,some of them were so pushy and annoying. Bree had to leave early in the afternoon,so she left at 1:30,which means I have to handle the front desk by myself. Gloria and gena were also busy,students came in and stuffs,and sometimes I have to ask them some questions or ask them to handle the students. It was pretty busy,I even didn't have time to go to the restroom! I had to kinda like look for a pretty quiet time to go to the restroom,and it was even only,I'd say,5 mins,yeah,5 MINS. But anyways,I met the director of the agent that I used before I went to DVC. And,well,since some of my high school mates were also with her,so yeah,I said that I'll help them to know more about DVC. Cuz I know how it feels to have nobody that u can ask about this school,and it sucks.

Edo came in today,he wanted to see Gena or Gloria but both of them were out for lunch so he left. He said that he's going to SF,damn,I wanna go too! But I can't,since I have to work til 4:30 today :(. Poor me,I envy edo right now cuz he can have some fun in SF :(.

Hhh,30 mins left,I hope this will be over soon so I can go home and relax...
Well,not yet though,cuz I have to help some new Indonesians here...
Mamamia....

calmy wednesday but kinda busy at the end of the day

2008-06-11T16:03:00.000-07:00

Well well well,today was quite quiet (don't let ur tongue get stuck or what when u say this,ok?) in ISAS. I mean,there weren't lotsa stuffs to do,I was just relaxing (most of the time). Surprisingly,abe told bree that he's not gonna come to work today,that in the schedule he was supposed to work today from 1 to 5. And since I don't have anything to do,then I said to bree that I'll stay to work until 5,to cover abe. So,here I am now,waiting for 1 more hour,then I'll go home to get ready for choir practice tonight (since I already missed the practice last week and well,I don't know if I'm gonna be able to go to the Church this week since I'm planning to go with mita to the airport,she's gonna go back to Indo). And my stomach was quite a distraction today,actually it started last nite. I was awaken at 5am this morning,and I went to the bathroom since my stomach was really hurt :(. And suddenly,I saw this kind of thingy like leaves,which makes me wondering about the salad that I ate for dinner yesterday. The same thing happened again this morning,and I was afraid that probably the vegetables that I ate yesterday were rotten,iyyuucckss! :(. But well,now it's better,it was SO BAD this morning,that I could even barely concentrate :(. I was trying to concentrate my mind by doing the packets for the new students' orientation on July,but it just helped me a bit =s. Ok,let's just change topic or unless I'll get another stomachache.

Hmm,when I'm writing this blog,there were some people that coming and calling,asking lotsa stuffs that I was a lil bit busier than this afternoon,but I like it to be busy :D. I mean,I've told u before that I'm this kind of person that needs to do something or unless I'll be like "dead",hahahaha. Oh,and did I mention it before that I finally met amanda yesterday? She was my high school mate,but she finished high school first before she came here and she's taking summer bridge now. Unlike me,who went straight to college for fall term,huehuehuehue. She went here with her parents,I bet it's gonna be so sad when her parents have to go back to Indo. But,well,she has ben here (her boyfriend is also attending summer bridge and will be going to DVC with her). Oh,and there were these bunch of students,came in to ISAS,they're on "field trip" in DVC with the student workers in IEC. Mmm,I wish I had that trip too when I first came here :(.

Ok,I'll be taking off from this place,soon enough (I mean,it's only 15 minutes left before 5) so...to be continued guyz...

walnut tuesday

2008-06-10T12:53:00.000-07:00

Today was going well,hahahaha. I mean,yeah,nuthin special happened in ISAS today. No mad-phone-calls from mad-old-lady like yesterday,THANKS GOD. Hhhh,if there's another call like that I'm sure that I'm gonna yell at that caller this time (I think I can guarantee u about this,but well,ligia or gena or even gloria might mad at me later on if I do that,hahahaha).

Well,anyway,today I got my first paycheck from DSS office,YAAAAAYYYY!!! :). Then I went to Quickly with Dean. He's gonna go to China on next week for studying Chinese for a month :(. Well,he got a scholarship to do that. Geez,I'm jealous at him now,cuz the government of China paid everything for him,he just need to pay for his ticket,which I believe not that expensive. I mean,after all,it's CHINA. Everything is CHEAP,yes,CHEAPER than HERE. It reminds me of my trip to China,winter 2005,3 years ago. I mean,I can bought lotsa stuffs at there,they are pretty cheap! And u can bargain those stuffs,yes,BARGAIN. Ok,enough about it,cuz I'm starting to miss Dean now :(.

Mita,hanny,and tri joined me at Quickly. We ate lunch at there,and then we went to Walnut Creek. Mita wanted to buy a MacBook at Apple store in Walnut Creek,since it's the closest store around this area. While waiting for Mita,I was asking about iPhone to one of the sellers in the store. He said that there'll be the next iPhone,which is iPhone 2. And what surprised me,he said that the 8GB will only cost me like $199 and the 16 GB will cost me $299!! WOW,can u imagine that?! THAT'S WHAT I CALL A BIG DEAL,WUHUUU!! I'm considering to buy an iPhone and have it unlock at Indo. But while waiting for that,I can use the AT&T service for it I guess :). OH MY GOD,I just can't wait to see that iPhone 2 on july 11th!! :D

Mita and tri said that they'll probably gonna take some time to buy the laptop,so hanny and I went out around that area. I went to Urban Outfitters,one of my favourite store now(cuz the last time I went to the one in SF with edo,and I found out that some of the t-shirts are cool and cute :D). I ended up buying this one really sexy top(well,actually it's kinda a lil bit similar to the top that i bought at FCUK with edo) and a t-shirt that's kinda cool,just like a,well,what can i say,ok i'll just say that it's a cool t-shirt and i like it,especially since it's ONLY $10,HAHAHA (I LOVE BARGAINED/SALE STUFFS). Then we met mita and tri at Nordstrom. I wanna buy something from Juicy Couture,but there's also this cute pink bag from Marc by Marc Jacobs that caught my attention (since both are my favourite brands,but I'm a bigger fan for Marc by Marc Jacobs). I didn't buy any of them,so I just look around and tried out some shoes there. I found this really cute shoes from Tory Burch,but unfortunately,I'm not a big fan of flat shoes,so I have to say bye-bye to that cute lil flat shoes :(. After finished looking around,we went home and it was FREAKING HOT. Again,DAMN-FREAKING-F*CKING-HOT,hhhh,it's just so frustrating. But when I got home,it's so cool,and I really like cool room :D.

Ok,I think I have to go to sleep now,I'm tired and I'll still have to go to work at 9 tomorrow.

To be continued guyz....

mad monday

2008-06-09T16:45:00.000-07:00

Well,another day has passed. Today was,well,kinda fast I guess. I woke up at 9 (AGAIN),which I don't know why,hahaha,maybe my body needs more rest than usual. Then I didn't do anything,just laid back on my bed,reading comics and novels while listening to my playlist in imeem. And then I went to work at 1:30 pm. It was DAMN HOT,yeah,it was 34 degrees celcius. MAMAMIA. Since I'm that kinda person who can't stand heat,I had to wear cap and sunglasses. I also brought another t-shirt,so I can change it at scholl if it's too hot and I'm sweaty. I went to bookstore to buy some frapz at Peets,then I went to ISAS. It's so good to be in cool,breezy,air-conditioned building. But poor me,the AC in ISAS room is dead,even though the advisor already called the staff to fix it. Today was the last day for Della in here,so we were talking for a while before she went home. She's gonna go back to Indo tomorrow nite. Well,it was pretty smooth in ISAS until I got this phone call from a lady,who asked about the English program in DVC. She was this "mean-rude-bossy-impolite" kind of lady,who I'd even say,a**hole. Yes,A**HOLE. Just because I put her call on hold for a lil bit (I mean,it's not even for 5 mins!!),she said that I was very impolite to her. Geez,what the hell on earth that could make u say to people who put u on hold for just a lil while that he or she is impolite to u? What a sh*t. And she even said that I don't like priests,just because she called to ask for English class for some priests who want to be parts of Oakland Diocese. I mean,FOR GOD'S SAKE,I'm CATHOLIC. How the hell in the earth I DON'T like priest? Or even HATE them? Dear Lord,she must be a MAD woman,a woman who doesn't know how to be polite to other people but demanding politeness from other people. Such a b*tch. =s

Well,overall,today was an "OK-day",even though it was f*cking hot and ruined but that mad old lady. I hope tomorrow's gonna be better,since I have to work from 9 to 1.

To be continued...

Oh,and I think I'm gonna tell my priest at CTK church about that mad lady,they should know about this impolite-yet-rude-yet-demanding-yet-bossy-yet-i-wanna-throw-my-shoes-at-her-face,hahahaha....

metamorphosis-hilary duff

2008-06-09T11:28:00.000-07:00

Metamorphosis - Hilary Duff

I've been so wrapped up
In my warm coccoon
Something's happening
Things are changing soon

I'm pushing the edge
I'm feeling it crack
And once I get out
There's no turning back

Watching the butterfly
Go towards the sun
I wonder what I will become

Metamorphosis
Whatever this is
Whatever I'm going through
Come on and give me a kiss
Come on, I insist
I'll be something new
Metamorphosis

Things are different now
When I walk by
You start to sweat
And you don't know why

It gets me nervous
But it makes me calm
To see life all around me
Moving on

Watching the butterfly
Go towards the sun
I wonder what I will become

Metamorphosis
Whatever this is
Whatever I'm going through
Come on and give me a kiss
Come on, I insist
I'll be something new
Metamorphosis

Metamorphosis
Whatever this is
Whatever I'm going through
Come on and give me a kiss
Come on, I inisist
I'll be something new
Metamorphosis

Everyday is a transformation
Everyday is a new sensation
Alteration, modification
An incarnation, celebration
Everyday is a new equation
Everyday is a revelation
Information, anticipaction
On to another destination

Metamorphosis
Whatever this is
Whatever I'm going through
Come on and give me a kiss
Come on, I insist
I'll be something new
Metamorphosis

by Hilary Duff

This song made me fall in love the first time I heard it. It's really nice,and I love Hilary's first album. I don't know why,it's just so fun to hear her first album. This song really kinda reflects my life. Since life is full of changing,and of course u'll get a metamorphosis that shaped u into who u are now. And well,I can say that I'm now different from what I used to be. I used to be,well,let's say,tomboy,ignorant,and kinda negative thinker,but not all the time. But now,I think I've changed. Not just in the outside but also in the inside. It's funny how life can change as time goes by.

weekends

2008-06-08T18:38:00.000-07:00

What a day,hhhh. Yesterday I went out all day long with mario,hanny,and vincent. We went to Best Buy first,acompanying mario to buy a new laptop since his is kinda,well,broken. He got what he wanted,and after that we went to eat dimsum. As usual,vincent already knew my favourite,NAI HUANG BAO,or in other words,egg custard bun. We ate quite a lot,hahahaha,since I also haven't eat anything since morning. And then we went to the Pleasant Hill downtown,we bought the ticket for Sex And The City movie. It was a really nice movie,I love the story line (and I was kinda jealous also at those 4 ladies,since they can get those branded stuffs easily,sh*t),yet kinda vulgar,since the sex scenes were so explisit,yeah,they SHOWED it. Even there was a scene where I saw a "dick",yes,and I don't wanna say it again (gosh,I think I'm blushing now). Then we watched Kungfu Panda,which was really funny and entertaining. But I was kinda,well,expecting something more from the ending,cuz the ending was really simple,nothing special. After we finished watching,we went to a restaurant near my house. It's an Italian restaurant,called De Vino's,where I went for dinner on my birthday with my host family. We ordered pizza and pasta,which weren't taste that good anymore to me,and my friends thought the same. After that,we went to the County Square market,or people usually call it Asian market. Since I'm kinda ran out of food stock at home,I have to buy some stuffs for my lunch in the next few days. Mario also bought some vegetables,since he was also kinda ran out of food stock. And yeah,did I tell u that we were kinda going-around-since-it-was-the-first-day-for-mario-to-use-his-GPS? Hahahaha,but yeah,at least we arrived at our destinations safely :).
After finished everything,we dropped vincent off at his house. Then mario dropped me off at K-mart,cuz I need to buy the liquid that I use to ironing my clothes (so it'd be easier). After spending some times in K-mart,I went home. It was kinda scary,since it was already dark and I got lots of stuffs to bring home. So then,I went to mario's house and found that he was still inside the car,doing something with his GPS. I asked him to bring me home,then we went back to my house. When I arrived at house,I was so tired,that I could just fell asleep as soon as I see my bed. I did my night ritual first,but including bathing,then I went to sleep. It was a really looong day....

This morning I woke up and found myself woke up so late,like 9 am. Well,for some people that's still early,for me it's already late. Then I found myself didn't go to the Church (God,please forgive me). I ate my brunch at 1 pm,since I was so lazy to get up from my bed. I spent the rest of my morning to read a book,hahahaha,then I took a bath. And now,since I already finished everything and just waiting for my mom to call me at msn,I'm just relaxing,lay back on the bed,and writing this blog :).

To be continued guyz...

thursday combined with friday?

2008-06-05T14:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the SAD day for me. Yeah,fenty went back to Indo yesterday,and it's really sad for me,especially since I have to go to work and couldn't acompany her to the airport :(. So,I went to her house yesterday,I don't wanna miss the chance to see her for the last time like I did the last time with berlin :(. It's kinda weird to see her room empty,there was nothing in her room,only her luggages. Fenty was there with edwin,and we were chat a bit. Edwin brought some of the cheesecake that he made the nite before,told us that he made it at 3am in the morning,and used his hands to stir the cake dough for 30mins so that the cake can have really smooth texture. And his cake does have that smooth texture,even though it's kinda overcooked,which makes the top part and the bottom part tastes bitter :(. But the middle part,which is the cheesecake part,was really good,I like it (even though it makes me "bigger") :). Then we went to Quickly for the last time with fenty,it was already 10:50. We arrived just in time,it just opened when we arrived. Nobody was there but us,so it's pretty empty I'd say. Fenty ordered ice green tea,but it tastes kinda bitter and mixed with grape coconut jelly,eewwhh,it's tastes horrible. Bitter+sweet=HORRIBLE. She even couldn't finish it and threw it away to the garbage bin. I ordered bubble milk tea,as usual,with chocolate pudding since the bubble hasn't finished made yet. I also ordered the fried fish fillet bento,which made edwin ngiler,hahahaha,poor edwin. I said that he can try,but he doesn't wanna "risk" his stomach,since it's still unwell cuz of the curry rice that he ate at Japan town the day before. And after that,edwin and fenty dropped me off at Northridge cuz I wanna go to hanny's house. It was almost 12,and fenty has to be quick. I hugged her when I got off from the car,it was sad. I told her to take care and wish her a safe flight,and I was almost crying,but I told myself not to do that. I want fenty to see me for the last time with smile on my face,so,I keep smiling. So long fenty,I'll see,well,it's kinda far away,on september...

I went to hanny's house afterwards,and I made her woke up,hahahaha. She said "good morning" when she opened the door for me. I said it's already 12pm,and she said that it's still morning for her and mita (what??!!). I went to her room and read some comics that I borrowed from yose,also I was going to take my perfume that I forgot to take from hanny's house after I bought it last time with her and yose. Then I used hanny's laptop for browsing. Tri came by to see mita,and suddenly he reminded me that I have to work at 2pm. And it was almost 2pm,like 10 mins left. I was freaked out,yeah REALLy freaked out. I was like this panic-hysteric-screaming-mode-on moment,hahahaha. But Tri asked if I need a ride,so he drove me by to school and I ran to ISAS. Thx God I wasn't late,hahahaha. There were della and abe inside,and della finished working at 2 so she went home afterwards,but she said that she's gonna come back later at 4 for dinner with ligia and bree,the other officers in ISAS. Abe went home at 4,and I finished working at 4:30. Then della came and bree asked me to join them for dinner. We went to this Tiki Tom restaurant in Walnut Creek,which serves Hawaiian foods. And it was nice,we chat and ate,and poor me,I couldn't order Chardonnay (since I'm not 21 yet and no one let me to order it,damn) X(. We finished eating like about 8,well,I mean finished eating and chatting,hahahaha. Bree and ligia paid for the foods,which made me and della kinda nggak enak,since we can actually pay by ourselves. But they said that it's their treats,so well,I just can say thank u to them. Then we went home,della drove me home and I arrived at home around 8:30. And after that,I did my "night ritual",hahahaha,u guyz know it rite? :)

Anyways,I met fenty in msn this morning,and it wasn't long,cuz she wanted to sleep,she's waiting for her next plane to Jakarta in Singapore (or I'd prefer to just call it Spore). I miss her already,which made me sad (AGAIN),and I said that I'll be waiting for her to contact me when she arrived in Indo,which she hasn't done yet. Well,maybe she's busy meeting her family rite now,and I don't wanna disturb her.

Gosh,nothing special for today though,hahahaha,just stay at home and acompany hanny to get her haircut and mita to buy some stuffs in Sunvalley mal.

To be continued then guyz....

funny wednesday --> edwin's funny day? =p

2008-06-04T21:05:00.000-07:00

It was quite fun today. I went to SF with fenty and we took BART when we went there,since somebody lost his car key,hahahaha,and it took him like 3pm something to get to SF (apparently,his car key was found inside the couch,which he wasn't expected). Me and fenty arrived at Powell station around 2:45,then we waited for mario in front of Abercrombie&Fitch. But while waiting,since I already felt hungry (dude,I haven't eat my lunch),so me and fenty went to Starbucks besides A&F and I bought hot choc (with extra caramel,my fav,yum!). Fenty bought a rice crispy with marshmallow and M&M's,which reminded me of edrick. He once said that the rice crispy was like "jajanan pasar",hahahaha. Then we met mario inside A&F,not long after that we met edwin and edo. But fenty has to do something with her t-mobile account with christanto,so we wait for "bang chris" inside Westfield. I showed fenty a bag from Dior that I really like,it's really pretty with pink color and it matches with one of the purse that I really like from Marc by Marc Jacobs. But,hell yeah,the price is wuhuuu,MAMAMIA,I'll wait til I get my paycheck,but I don't think that they'll still have that bag. Well,then I'll go for another one. After waiting for a while,Chris arrived and we went to t-mobile store.

And the next part is about shopping. Yes,shopping with Edo is like the fastest shopping time for me. I mean,we spent like,lets say,only 20 mins in urban outfitters! Hahahaha,dude,I think I spent more time when I acompanied edwin to buy tie and shirt. Edo just need to look around in lik 15 mins,tried on 5 mins,and then he went to the cashier to buy the grey jeans. Well,it's a quite nice jeans I'd say,it's from Levi's also. And then we went to FCUK. At there,I thought that it's gonna be him again to spend his money on clothes. Apparently,it's ME who spent my money for a "kinda-a-bit-backless-top",hahahaha. It's in pink color and it's cute,hehehehe,I like it :D. Then we went to AX,which none of us bought anything,there's nothing new or special right now at there. Then it's time for Barney's,since edo kinda "ngebed-pengen-bli-jeans". We went to the 5th floor,which has the men's jeans section. But,instead of buying jeans,he ended up buying a t-shirt from Kidrobot that is REALLY cute,yes,CUTE. Gosh,I envy him cuz Kidrobot doesn't have its girl apparel,hueeee :(. And after that,we catched up with edwin and mario in the garage (fenty went with chris) to go to Japan town. We're gonna have "late lunch" there. We went to this restaurant called on the bridge,and me,edwin,and fenty ordered curry rice. But,edwin wanted to make his 3 extra shots spicy,and I wanted to make mine 2 extra shots spicy. It ended up I couldn't finished my meal,cuz it was SO spicy for me. I drank a lot of water,but not as much as edwin,hahahaha. He was so funny,he was crying and sweating cuz of the curry. Well,his curry was EXTREMELY spicy,like TWICE as spicy as mine. MAMAMIA,can u imagine that? But it was so funny to look at him,cuz he drank like most of the water in the pitcher. Then we went for mochi ice cream sundae (my fav in Japan town!), and asked for extra mochi,hohohoho (a must thing to do!). And then,we went home (edo was with chris,so it was only me,edwin,mario,and fenty in edwin's car).

In the middle of the way,edwin said that he really need to go to the restroom. It was so funny to see him like that,drove so fast and finally found an ARCO gas place,hahahaha. And it was even funnier when we saw his expression after he finished,looks like someone who just went to heaven,wakakakaka. Then we continued the trip to Pleasant Hill BART station. Mario parked his car at there,so we went there. I went home with mario,and it was kinda a lil bit,I'd say,scary-yet-funny cuz we were kinda going all around,trying to find the way home,and it was funny to see his expression when we finally reached Contra Costa boulevard (u wouldn't guess it,hahahaha). Well,finally we reached my home,and I was kinda "relieved",hahahaha,cuz yeah,it's kinda scary to get lost since mario hasn't got his GPS yet (it's still not arrived yet from amazon.com). Then yeah,I took a bath and sit in front of my laptop til now. Mmm,to be honest,I kinda wanna cry,cuz I don't think that I can make it tomorrow. I'm not sure that I can go with her to the airport,huhuhuhu,but well,there's still cellphone rite? Yeah,I know it's gonna be different. Starting tomorrow,there'll be no fenty in here,and it's sucks,cuz I know that I'm gonna miss her badly.

Well,gotta sleep now,or I'll start to cry...

To be continue...

daily day routine 2

2008-06-04T08:46:00.000-07:00

Got a weird dream last nite,hope it's not gonna be true =s. So,it started by I'm finally go back to Indo (yippiiieee!!),but suddenly there's a weird thing about it. I only brought 2 bags,yes,2 BAGS,instead of 2 SUITCASES. And then it suddenly turned out into another dream,what the hell. I don't even remember exactly how it moved,but yeah,I felt so tired and sleepy when I got up this morning. But today I'm going to SF with fenty,yeay! Since tomorrow she's going back to Indo :(. I'm gonna miss her so bad :(. Well,I don't wanna start my day with sadness,so I'll just have fun today. There'll be me,fenty,edwin,and mario. Hahahaha,looks like double date eh? But no no,u're wrong,we're just friends,I'd consider them as my good and close friends. :)

Last nite I chat with hanny and yose,and we teased yose a lot with the "onyit" emoticon. Suddenly we made a new nick name for yose: "yoseNYIT",hahahahaha. Yose tried to make a new nickname for herself,"yoseFANN",but I said,"Itu mah ga cocok yos,yang ada juga cocok thaFANN,wkwkwkwk". And when yose use the emoticon "ngambek",it's so funny,cuz it's really,I don't know why,look like her when she gets mad. And it's so funny,especially the cheeks,it's so cute (don't get mad ya yos,we were only kidding koq :D). And around 11,we decided to end up the conversation. I went to sleep,yose went to MKG (unfair yos,I wanna go also :< ),and hanny had to study for her economy class. Well,I just can't wait to chat with yose and hanny again in msn,it's really fun,I couldn't stop laughing and smiling last nite. :D

daily day routine

2008-06-03T09:20:00.000-07:00

Well,today was quite a happy day for me,hehehehe. Started by a nice phone call with mr. AI (some of u already knew who's he rite?),and then a nice lunch at Quickly with Hanny and Mita. We were talking quite a lot(as usual,hahahaha). And then we were talking about my routine activity,which is wake up early (the latest for me is 9 am,I can't sleep longer than that),go to school for work (this summer),go home and go online (like what I'm doing now,wakakaka),and then go to sleep (the latest for me is around 12 am,usually I'll go to sleep at 10 or 11 pm). It's kinda funny cuz both of them usually sleep late (like 2 to 5 am) and wake up late (they even can wake up at 1 pm),like the total opposite of me,hehehehe. But,yeah,it's kinda funny to talk about.

Then I went to work in ISAS at 2 pm. It was quite fast today I'd say,since I only worked for 3 hours today (instead of 8 hour like yesterday,TIRING). Well,maybe because yesterday I didn't have much to do and I'll feel tired and bored when there's nothing to do. And today,I had Albert aka Abe to help me in ISAS. He's a newbie,and yeah,I had to teach him some things and let him do it himself. But it's kinda nice to have somebody that u can talk to while u work,since I'm kinda this "talkative-and-cacing-kepanasan-mode-on-girl",hahahaha.(FYI,I can't stay quiet and do nothing for long time,yes,I HAVE TO do something to distract me). And suddenly,it's already 5 pm,and it's time to go home.

I walked home,and while I was walking I called someone. Yes,fenty is BACK,yippieeee!!! :). And we're gonna go somewhere tomorrow,since she's gonna leave to Indo on thursday :(. I asked Ligia whether della can cover my shift on wednesday and della said that she can do that so I can spend the rest of my day tomorrow with fenty before she goes back to Indo (thx,dell :D). I don't know with whom are we gonna go,but we can talk about it tonight (how i love talking on the phone above 9 pm,it's GRATIS dude,it's FREE). We might go to SF tomorrow,and I'll go to sf,AGAIN,on saturday with vincent and the others. Oh well,I tried to ask mario whether he wants to come with us or not,but as usual it's HARD to reach him,yeah,HARD. Edwin will come with us tomorrow,but we haven't decided where are we going in SF,so yeah,talk to them tonight :)

Hope tomorrow's gonna be fun :D

change in ISAS=GREAT,yeah,GREAT eh?

2008-06-02T09:27:00.000-07:00

Guess what happened today in ISAS? Yes,the so-called-brand-new-microsoft-office-2007 was plug into our computer system. Well,since I have the microsoft office 2007 in my laptop,then it shouldn't be a problem for me. But,what the problem is,today I was trying to make labels for new students' applications. When I tried to open the file that we usually use to make labels,it's GONE. Yes,the columns for the labels are GONE,leaving only the contents but the columns. Hahahaha,FUNNY,yeah,GREAT. I wonder what went into those computer staffs' minds,they didn't told us before and now we have to learn everything again,gosh. Even though I have that office2007 in my laptop,doesn't mean that it's not a surprising thing for me. Cuz I usually use the format that have been used for long time in here,and it's kinda confusing now,find out that this is now CHANGED. Hahaha,love changes? I don't think so when the change will make u feel confused or even hate it =s.

what's up with mr. M

2008-06-01T18:34:00.000-07:00

Well,guess who's got a new car? Yes,my so-called-best-friend-mr. MG just got his new car. What shocked me is that I heard that he got a new car from my other friend,mr. LTC,gosh. I don't understand why,but yeah,I felt shocked and kinda,well,hurt. I don't know,maybe because I felt like we're not that close anymore like before,cuz I used to be really close to him. Yes,REALLY close that led to everybody's assumption that we're couple,hahahaha,silly right? Just because we're close and good friends,doesn't mean that we're couple. C'mon dude,this is AMERICA,why don't u guys just try to clear ur minds up?? There's nothing wrong for friends,boys and girls,to go out together and have fun together,without any other relationship. Ok,back to the topic. Yeah,I was shocked when I heard that M just got his new car. And he didn't say anything to me,which makes it even worse. I thought that he's my,well,good friends,i'd even say.my BEST friend,whom I can trust and he also trusts me. He said that he wanted to make it a surprise,but,well,I just wish that he'd tell me earlier,that I don't have to hear it from my other friend. Yeah,nowadays,I feel like I'm not that close to him anymore. Something's changed,which I don't know what and why. We rarely hang out together,and I used to talk with him a lot in msn. But now,it's different,TOTALLY different. Many times,when we hang out together nowadays,it'll end up,most of the time,I'm getting mad at him. Last time,when we went to Cliff House together in Sutro Bath,I ended up getting mad at him,well,just because,I'd even say,a silly billy thing. I don't know why I'm being so sensitive nowadays with him,which I've never felt before. Sometimes I can't take his jokes or sayings,and I ended up,again,getting mad at him. I don't know why,and actually I don't wanna end up like that. I mean,he's one of my best friends,I trust him fully. There's only a few people who can get my full trust,and he's one of them. I don't know...I just wish that we could get close like before,I miss those moments that we spent together. Gosh,hope this will be changed soon... And I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna miss him when he's not here anymore,yeah,I'm TOTALLY sure...

My heart was home again - Josh Groban

2008-06-01T18:29:00.000-07:00

So it goes, history shows
Deserts must expand
And camels sail like wooden ships
Like women on the strand
There's sand on Second Avenue
And the wind blows like a train
Taxis line up like a string of pearls
Around the block again
And I remembered everything
And every windowpane
Every word came back to me
The way it used to be

Then I saw your face across the street
And my heart was home again

There's a bus that leaves at eight fifteen
And another one at ten
Should I climb aboard, risk everything
And ride it to the end
Watch the hills like roller coasters
Up against the sky
And wish that you were here by me
So close that I could die
You said love wrecks everything
And none of us survive
So I got over you last night
And I am still alive

Then I saw your face across the street
And my heart was home again

And I remembered everything
And every windowpane
Every word came back to me
The way it used to be

Then I saw your face across the street
And my heart was home again

by Josh Groban

Wuhuu,I love this song VERY MUCH. Yeah,LOVE this song VERY MUCH. It's really nice to hear Josh Groban's voice singing this song,it's kinda romantic yet sad. It's really touchy,yeah,I guess I'll just post songs that touched me in the heart,hahahaha,lol. I found this song in the playlist in imeem.com,and I think it's really nice,since I'm one of Josh's fans,hahahaha. His songs are really nice and touchy,meaningful and romantic yet sad,full of many feelings. Oh well,I just love this song so much. :)

the meaning of friendship by hanny

2008-05-31T21:51:00.000-07:00

One day two girls walked together. One of the girls asked to the other girl, "Do you know what friendship is?"

She answered, "Well, actually there is no certain rule for friendship. For me friend is..."

1. When we first meet, I want to know about you, I will observe what you like or not

2. When we become closer and it is enough to know your strength and weaknesses, I will begin to accept you as the way you are

3. When you are happy, I’ll laugh with you. When you are sad, I’ll cry with you

4. When you fall in love, I’ll help you reach your love.

5. When you find your partner, I’ll congrats you and will be happy for you.

6. When people say you’re a good person, I’ll agree with it.

7. When people say you are bad, I will not judge you.

8. When you have a problem, we will find the solution together.

9. When you need someone and don’t want to be alone, I’ll always be with you.

10. When you go so far from me, I’ll miss you.

10. When you need someone to listen to you, I’ll listen to you.

11. When nobody believes you, I’ll believe you.

12. When you need someone to share your pain, we will share it together, half and half so your heart will not be so hurt.

13. When you are down, I’ll lift you up.

14. When you are sick, I’ll worry about you and take care of you.

15. When you need a shoulder to cry on, you can always use my shoulder.

16. When you are wrong, I will pull you back to the right path, and then I’ll stand beside you to face your mistake.

17. When people say you betray me, I will not believe it as long as I don’t see it with my own eyes and hear it from you. Then, I’ll listen to your explanation. I’ll believe what comes out from your mouth

18. When you hurt me, I’ll cry for you.

19. When you are hurt because of me, I’ll try to make it up.

20. When you apologize to me, I’ll say to you there’s nothing to say sorry about because I already forgive you from the beginning.

21. When you can’t forgive me and want me to disappear from your life, I’ll stay a distance from you, but I will still care about you from far.

22. When we are apart, I’ll pray for you and wish you happiness.

23. When you leave me behind on the earth and you go to heaven, I’ll put our memories in ‘our box’ (my heart). So, when I miss you I can open that box and those memories will remind me to you.

24. When I still have a chance, I don’t want to regret. I’ll say to you my lovely friends ‘I LOVE YOU’

After that, those girls were smiling and they were holding hands together. In their heart they know how meaningful they are for each other

by Hanny

Dude,how often u'll see some kind of writing like this? Well,yeah,some of u will say "oh,we have seen lots of stuffs like that before". But,what if that stuff was written by ur friend? Man,my friend wrote this and I have to say,I feel touched by this. Gosh,I know that it's been hard for her,and I was in the same situation like her,and it reminds me of those moments. But now,I know that we can face the world stronger and tougher than before. :)

I need u-LeAnn Rimes

2008-05-31T20:56:00.001-07:00

I don't need a lot of things
I can get by with nothing
Of all the blessings life can bring
I've always needed something
But I've got all I want
When it comes to loving you
You're my only reason
You're my only truth

I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From heaven's gate
There's a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you

You're the hope that moves me
To courage again
You're the love that rescues me
When the cold winds, rage
And it's so amazing
'Cause that's just how you are
And I can't turn back now
'Cause you've brought me too far

I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy from heaven's gate
There's a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you
Oh yes I do

I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From heaven's gate
There's a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you
Oh yes I do
I need you
I need you

I need you by LeAnn Rimes

Well,actually I found this song,coincidentally,in my i-pod,hahahaha. At first I was wondering,what kind of song is this and how did I got this? I was thinking,maybe I got it from Arie,I forgot. So,it turns out I LOVE the song,yes,I LOVE the song. It's really touchy,especially since,u know,I got this so-called-love-life-problem,hahahaha. But,yeah,I LOVE this song.

i wanna go home...

2008-05-31T19:24:00.001-07:00

Well,I'm in the middle of..what u would call it..NGEBED PULANG INDO SANGAD?? Hahahaha,kinda random I guess now. After 2 of my friends went back to Indo,now I feel like I wanna go back to Indo soo bad. Geez,it's hard to explain how I felt when I was in the airport,I wanted to go home badly,and I was hoping that it could be me to go home. But,yeah,I can't go home til december,which is like 7 MONTHS TO GO,well not exactly 7 months,but more like 6 MONTHS,OH MY GOD. Ok,I know that when u just live ur life thru 6 months then u'll feel like it goes so fast,just like what I feel now,spring semester for 5 months goes so fast for me. But still,gosh,I WANNA GO HOME SO BAD. There's a saying "time flies when u enjoy urself". Hell,yeah,I know that it's true,I'm feeling it now,but,still,I only want a cathay pacific-ticket-economy-class-destination-jakarta IMMEDIATELY,uugh.

Ok,quite random now,but yeah,I just wanna go home. And I also can't wait for summer next year,yihaaa!! I'm planning for summer in florida,but,yeah,I'm still not sure about it. But what I can't wait is the fact that I can go home to Indo for 3 MONTHS. Yes baby,3 MONTHS! Wuhuu,means I can spend more time in Indo,hahahaha,since I always love to go back to Indo :).

MAMAMIA,I just wanna go home!! December,please come FASTER!!

gonna miss spring 2008...

2008-05-13T21:18:00.000-07:00

Well,after some of my friends asked me to post another blog,so lets start it.

First of all,I've been busy,but now it's time for holiday,yippieee!! :)

Ok,my life was a lil bit miserable,I had some problems going on through my head,but I guess that I already got through now. One of them is the break up between me and my ex,and I don't wanna talk about it,cuz it's just gonna make me sad again. But,I'm still after him though,I still wanna be with him so now I'm trying my best to get him back. We're close friends now but I hope that I can change it into the relationship that we had before,someday.

Enough about those break up things,now it's about my school life. I was pretty busy on last week,tuesday through thursday,doing my finals,EXHAUSTING,eewwhh. Oh,and I HATE it cuz I only got B in my english class,it sucks. My accounting is no better,I got C,AGAIN,after I got a C also last semester in first term accounting. Gosh,I just hope that I can do better for my GPA next semester. :(

Oh,and I got a new job at school,hooraay!! I got a job in this office called ISAS or international student admission service (well,quite long I guess). Thx to fenty,cuz she's going to transfer and I can apply to replace her position :). And since the office needs people to work here on summer,then I'll probably busy on summer,but I like it :). U can make money dude,hahahaha,what else could be better? =d

But,yeah,I'll also feel some loss. My closest friend right now,fenty,will be transfering to Ohio,which is far away from here,and also 3 hours faster than cali. Gosh,I'm going to miss her so bad,since she's the one who's been very close to me along these semester. Well,for about 3 months though,but still I'm gonna miss her so bad :(. No more tuesday-thursday go out somewhere to eat and go to sunvalley mall afterwards,no more going out together on weekend,no more her company throughout my last year in dvc :(. It sucks when u have to "lose" ur friend cuz he or she will be going far away from ur place,but I know that distance doesn't matter if u have a great friendship. And I hope that I won't lose contact with fenty.

One of the most important friend in my life,mario,will be transferring to CSU-East Bay. It's sad,cuz he's like one of them who made me stand up again,after being "dumped" by my "old-gank-of-friends". He's the one who introduced me to my friends right now,and I just feel like I'm not ready yet to "lose" him. I mean,he's like my BEST friend,yes,BEST friend. I'll miss him soo much,he's like the closest guy in my life after my ex. If in girl side it's fenty,then in boy side is mario. I mean,both are precious to me and I just feel that I'm not ready yet to go on without them. I know that mario has car already and he can drive to pleasant hill sometimes,but still,I feel like it's gonna be different. I'm just SCARED to lose my best friends,VERY scared. Especially mario and fenty. I just hope that they won't "leave" me like what I felt before.

My other close friend now,berlin,will be transferring also and she went back to Singapore yesterday and I wasn't able to acompany her to the airport :(. Ah,well,she's not going that far to transfer,she's gonna be in LA,which I can always go and meet her there since LA is only 1 hour flight away from SF. But,yeah,I'm gonna miss her,especially those time when we were sleepy in business law class and chat through paper,writing lots of stuffs,and went together to berkeley for having lunc or dinner together in Jayakarta restaurant (I'd say,the BEST Indonesian restaurant in East Bay). She's more like a big sister to me and I'm gonna miss her sooo much,maybe I'll be going to LA on holidays to visit her,it's gonna be fun. :)

Another close friend of mine now,yosevin,will also get transferred. But she won't be transferring far away,only to AA in san francisco. Well,yeah,I'm still gonna miss her,since we're not gonna be able to go together on school days,even though we can spend weekends together. She said that she's gonna learn how to drive in my country and therefore she'll buy a car as soon as she gets back here. Maybe we can go somewhere together easier since she got a car,instead of taking bus like what we do now. And I'm sure gonna miss moment with her,go to Quickly and teasing her about one of my friend,the mr-cute-shanghai-guy-named-F,hahahahaha =p.

I just can't wait til december,seriously,I miss Indo just too much! I don't know,maybe because my life is kinda a bit hectic nowadays,I just need a to go home,I wanna relax and have some fun with my family and friends. I especially wanna meet someone,I miss that person just too much(I guess u guys can guess who I mean).

I guess,nothing more to say,I'm actually in the middle of "doing-nothing-while-u-work-cuz-there's-nothing-to-do" moment",hahahaha. But,hell,sometimes u can be bored and the thing that u'll remember is ur blog ;).

To be continued guyz...

if only...

2008-04-24T22:13:00.000-07:00

If only...

If only I could turn back time

Maybe you'll still be here with me

Maybe life will stay the same

If only I could change everything

Maybe I'll still have you beside me

Maybe I don't have to feel this feeling

If only I could wish on a shooting star

Trying to get back to you

I can't live without you

Every night and day I pray

That I'd have you here with me again

Someday,which I don't know when

Will you come back to me?

Will you still love me?

Because I do still love you

Nobody else can replace you in my heart

No matter what will happen

Nothing's gonna change my love for you

dedicated to someone that I love and miss the most...

miss ya..

xoxoxo...

there's a new chapter in my life...

2008-03-24T22:49:00.000-07:00

Buat gw,hidup ini penuh ama hal2 yang ga pernah kita sangka. Dan selama 3 bln trakir gw tinggal di states,gw nyadar banged. Klo boleh dibilang,pas awal semester kedua ini gw aga hopeless gitu. Temen cuma ada satu (orang mongol pula),kemana2 sendiri ga ada yang nemenin di skul,kuliah gw rasanya ga seenak semester pertama kemaren,pokoknya hidup gw srasa MISERABLE banged!(baca: hidup penuh cobaan) :(

And gw kadang suka bertanya2 ndiri gitu deh,apa gw emg dah ditakdirkan bakal lonely semester 2 ini?? Well,mungkin ga bxa dibilang lonely2 banged juga,gw mxi ada c mongol itu. Tapi OMG,gw kadang suka cape juga pergi ama dy,bused. Gw ga tw,apa emg beda umur gw ama dy yang lumayan jauh (baca:gw 17,dy 26) yang bikin gw kadang ngerasa suka males pergi ama dy. Jujur,gw emang bukan org yang sama temen "habis manis sepah dibuang",cuma...apa lo ga males klo pas lo mw shopping malah dibawanya ke Macy's yang bwad adult dimana lo bakal lyadnya baju2 yang ga sesuai umur lo? (baca:bwad 20 taon keatas) =x

Dah gitu,dy emang sih suka ngajak gw jalan dan ngegym,cuma yang kadang gw bingung adalah gw harus lari2 ngejer bus bwad pgi ke gym krn gw ga mw jalan kaki (30 menit dari rumah gw gitu,please deh) dan bukannya dy yang jemput. Trus pernah skali,well gw tw emang dy ada kelas sore itu,tapi apa appropriate lo dah ngajak temen lo jalan trus lo balik ke skul sementara temen lo itu lo tinggal,biar dy jalan kaki pulang ke rumah?? Gosh,gw waktu itu sumpa ga nyangka banged. Klo gitu ngapain lo ajak gw pegi?? :(

Well,gw tw sebenernya dy tu temen yang bae,cuma yaa well,semakin kemari gw jadi semakin bertanya2,apa bener dy temen yang terbae bwad gw?

Biarpun gw tw dy bae,tapi masa iya sih gw mw ngurung aja di rumah tanpa ada temen bwad jalan?

So,as time goes by,tibalah 1 hari yang menurut gw termasuk hari bersejarah (halah tha,lo hiperbolis banged deh). Dan itu adalah hari dimana salah satu orang yang gw kenal,alias Fen Fann Fang ato biasa dipanggil fann/eric ngundang gw dateng ke bday party nya. Jujur aja,gw kaget tapi gw ada rasa seneng juga,karena gw ngerasa gw bisa bikin temen baru disana. And gw juga seneng,karena pas hari itu siangnya gw pergi ama temen baru gw yang gw knal di kls english 122 gw,jocelyn and temen2nya,peggy and katrina. Kita kliling powell,makan dimsum di chinatown (OMG,I'm CRAVING nai huang bao,huahahaha),ngemil cheesecake di cheesecake factory (ada kejadian lucu disini,hahahaha),foto2 di pier 39,and akhirnya pulang juga. Eits,tapi gw bukannya pulang,gw cabud dulu ke tempatnya c johnchong,ahahaha. Pas gw dah nyampe disana,bused,itu tempat dah penuh banged kaya tempat clubbing yang sumpek ==;

Masuklah gw ke dalam abis dijemput Mardud di depan safeway...

And disanalah gw ketemu ama orang2 yang sekarang jadi temen deket gw. Ada Mario "ndud" Gunawan and Fenty Wong. Trus ada temen gw juga yang pas smester kemaren 1 kelas english 118 ama gw,Chi Hong Lee alias Vincent. And 1 orang lagi yang bakal jadi temen hang out gw yaitu c Lok Tin Cheng alias Tin. Orang2 ini lah yang sekarang berputar di skliling gw (halah,puter2 yang ada pusing,tha). Malem itu adalah malem yang bwad gw berkesan banged,karena gw jadi punya temen2 yang deket dengan gw sekarang,yang punya cara pikir dan pandangan yang cocok ama gw...

Well,i guess life is full of surprise huh?? :)

Ga cuma itu aja,gw ketemu ama Berlin and regina dari kelas bus-law. Ptama lyad,gw pikir c mereka orang taiwan ato ga hongkong (maklum,disini klo lyad anak hongkong bxa kesaru anak indo,tampang chinese yang sangad mirip). Trus dy ngajak gw kenalan,pas ditanya asalnya darimana ya gw jawab aja dari indo,eh tw2 dy ktawa.

orang indo juga toh?

Kaget gw pas dengernya,ahahaha,maklum gw ga pnah lyad mereka di indo-dvc before,hehehehe. Gw tanya apa mungkin mereka anak baru(karena gw dah lama ga bergaul dengan anak2 indo,so maybe mereka anak spring 08),tapi ga twnya mereka kakak kelas gw ==;

After sering ngobrol pas di kelas bus-law, akhirnya gw mlay lumayan deket ama mereka, especially Berlin. And sekarang,gw sering jalan juga ama berlin dan regina.

Well,and as time goes on,gw baru ngerti sekarang bahwa maybe dengan keadaan gw yang semped ada di bawah fall 2007 kemaren,sekarang gw ngerasa bahwa gw ada di atas :)

Life is beautiful,isn't it? :)

kata sambutan (yang ga penting banged)

2008-03-23T13:17:00.000-07:00

well,well,well...blog pertama gw,hohoho(bangga banged sih lo tha)...=p
hmm,actually gw gy ada ide mw nulis apa juga,cuma pengen ngetes aja,ahahaha =d